Most musicians, at this time of year, are so very busy. The world has opened up and people wanna dance, party and fuck out. I am not one of those musicians. Instead, my focus at this time of year are the people in my life,those I care for.
My daughter likes to joke and say, “Mother, you are like a shark. You cant remain still.” That statement is only valid for certain sharks, is my retort. Perhaps, I learnt the value of discernment…and bounce the second I see a red flag or sniff any high grade fuckery. I have seen too much bad behavior in the last few years. And I refuse to behave in such a manner myself.
My daughter is also an astrologer. Don’t roll your eyes, my people. Having one’s natal chart drawn up is not as simple as saying, “You are a Scorpio and therefore….” Once upon a time it was of great concern – my deep desire to gain awarness of my own inner workings and that of others. It was a greater concern for my daughter until she looked at my chart. And there it was…an explanation, something at the deepest core of me. My need to understand the wiring of my deepest self in order to make space for other.
Somehow, I find myself surrounded by those who are in need of ‘something’. Difficult people who have seen some dark days and are in a pit of sorts. So I help as best I can, but never, ever at the cost of my sanity. And that’s the lesson.
How many times have we ignored red flags? “This will get better…” we lie to ourselves. “They can change…” we whisper even though our hearts are breaking and we are falling apart?
No. Hell no. Fuck no. I refuse to live in Lala Land…and sing my way through it. Great for Music but not for my sanity. Crying while sitting in front of the piano is no fun. Or being in tears on stage because my heart is so broken. Deal with what’s in front of you (I remind myself). Accept what is (my number one mantra). Surround yourself with those who will keep your heart safe and you theirs in turn. And know when to leave. To say goodbye and get out of dodge.
For the last three years I have run into two kinds of men. Those who want to tie me into a serious relationship and the old bastard kind of man. Yes, men who usually are well off, accomplished but have a void somewhere within them. And mistakenly feel I can help. I have some kind of answer. No. Hell no. Fuck no. I know there is someone whose energy matches mine, whose being is open and knows how to fix shit and make plans. I mention this as it is best we can identify our blind spots, triggers and weaknesses. How else to move ahead? And if this is regard as being selfish – so be it.
This time of year is tricky for so many. We have seen and felt so much loss, heartache and disappointment. But do what’s best for your own sanity. Have compassion for yourself before dishing out all of who you are to others. And why not find a professional astrologer and see what’s cracking? You might be surprised..