Category: My Blog

I find it mind boggling how much attention is given to certain events in mainstream media. The pandemic. The war. Amber and Johnny. That dude that smacked  Dave, the comedian.  Of course, my immediate response is as follows – it is a distraction.

Peace. Joy. Love. Power. …we have been conditioned to believe it can be found in the hands of others. Hence, we have to fight, argue to wrestle it back. From the government and its corrupt politicians. From our lovers or intimate partners. Our colleagues at work, the noisy neighbours. It is inculcated at a young age – all we desire is found outside ourselves, when the reverse is true. The more our attention is focused on external distractions,  the more energy we feed the wolf, the cycle continues and expands.

At every point I  ask myself – what does my heart say?  How does she feel about what’s on display?This requires honesty and time. Perhaps a great dose of silence and a bit of Music. Hell, even when the itch for something sweet hits, I ask myself, ‘Why do you want this taste in your mouth?’ In fact, it isnt a chocolate I would like.. but a steak and kidney  pie or curry. Comfort food. Why do I need to comfort eh? The idea is to move underneath the form….to find what’s really true, the feeling…the belief.

Do you want to know where I really struggle? Books and tv series. I am trying to wean myself off all the drama that can engross one completely. I do so enjoy a good horror movie! And what’s the message they freely offer? Good vs Evil. Pick a side or die. Not in alignment with my beliefs at all….but so damn engaging to watch though! Haha. Look, Rome wasnt built in a day…

In my personal and intimate relationships – I offer what I would like to be the recipients of. Time and honesty.  I leave when my heart says – this is not safe. Or – this isn’t where you belong. I ensure I know where and how to step on my own solid ground before I asking anyone to join me as I walk or hike in the forest or up and down a hill. Does that make sense?

Hearing my Mother play bad piano or the morning sounds of home takes a while to settle. This is where I am now, I tell myself. Here. With these people I love.  Not in the desert, studio or stage. Inhale. Exhale…

If I could sneak back to bed, I would. Alas, I have not seen Gilda yet. She is one of my last visits before I leave home and one of my firsts  upon returning. Small rituals to keep sane, we all have them. Her prayer, like the prayers and wishes of all Mothers have a magical quality to them and so mean a great deal to me. Gilda…aka granny G the Gangsta! Another island of safety.

Be gentle with yourself over there. Remember, the only currency  worth a damn thing is your attention. So know where and how best to spend it.  X

I

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