Lemme tell you why I loved Lockdown. I got to experience family in a way I never did as a kid. Partly because (and no disrespect to the dead) Daddy was a dick when growing up. The last few years he more than made up for his crappy ways and we were so good, the old man and I until death descended.
So…just what’s new pussycat? I will no longer rake myself over the coals for bad decisions in the past. It’s done and over. There is no one in my life I am treating poorly. Neither am I allowing anyone to step over me or breadcrumb me with their affections. I am being very Scorpionic in my energy. You are either in my life or not. That’s what I mean when I speak of weakness. Be where you are and mean it. Or leave. But weak ass energy is something I don’t have time for. Neither will I display it to another.
Even in music…..gone are the days when I work with someone just because another thinks it is a good idea. I choose…and this requires that the other person and I share frequency. And sweet lawd, you better know what you’re about when it comes to music. Of course I enjoy being persuaded or being proved wrong.
Everything comes down to this one true thing: can we share honestly with each other? Is any of what I am sharing real or true? If not, I won’t waste my time in spaces where I cannot give sincerely to another.
Gilda keeps saying, ‘My girl, things are gonna change in your life and quickly. So enjoy the time with your family.’ I believe this firmly. I am a nomad searching for my musical tribe. Waiting for a wonderful person to enter my life. Every moment between then and now is filled with me….making better decisions. Being good to myself and those I love.
And right now I am happy. I just miss my daughter who is with her father and baby brother. I will see her when time and regulations allow. But she is a grown ass kid. Very capable of making her own decisions. She will be just fine. I better remind her it’s her father’s birthday in two days time.
It’s an odd thing when you were conditioned to put others first. Meaning, that your needs are last on the list. I met wonderful people in my life so far. Friends who became family. You can’t mess with great chemistry though. When it’s there it’s there. And when it’s not, no amount of rationalising can change that. Your own happiness matters I have discovered. And like Mark says to me…you are not Florence Nightingale. This was reiterated by the energy reader. You are a hawk. Stop choosing chickens!
So be where you are….and enjoy every second of being true, honest and kind. And for godsake – cut the dead weight and swim. Not everyone we meet is destined to remain yeah? Guilt is a useless emotion if all you do is punish yourself. Forgive,forget and be better. Then move into what’s next, what inspires you.
Now I need to find a song of the week, go for a walk and visit Gilda….with cake and sweet things I made yesterday.