I hate being bored and stuck, especially when it comes to music. The real issue is that I have been living with the music I wrote for the last few years. All that emotional energy constantly swirling in my system. It helped get me through the hard bits of my father’s death for sure.
It also doesn’t help that I have way too many ideas around soundscapes. It changes from minute to minute, making all explorations hella fun while lacking cohesion. I spoke to mys sister and said it feels as though I achieved so little in my career. Especially last year. Granted we were in Lockdown and all getting round or seeing anyone was an issue. And yes, I am more certain about many things in my life…
Music is my outlet, therapy. After writing the first two albums I rid myself of the emotional energy after being tied to one person since the age of 16. It was done, all of it. Each album had a distinct energy. Something I needed to say. A burden to lay down so I could keep on walking.
What is it I need to say now, about the world, my beliefs, the people and how to express Love? Just where do I stand on the matter? How truthful am I?
It’s time to write more music, to reach out to musicians and not be afraid of asserting my authority. Of saying – this is how it should sound, make it so…please. It’s time to write music that is more present. Time to let go of the belief that I am alone when it comes to my career. Even though, technically speaking right now I am. For this second I am alone. That will pass.
All I need to do is be honest with myself. About everything, and most especially about the music.