Did you ever wake up and think, ” I didn’t know that. I didn’t know those options were available to me, that there was a better way. Why didn’t I see it?” Sure, others had their opinions, their views. Yet, in your mind there was only one way. One path. The Golden Path…and you are gonna walk, crawl, run your way through it. So you do and onky one phrase keeps repeating. Fuck. Everyone. That’s what Music and my first marriage taught me. Fuck. Everyone. All of you. To hell and every other dark and twisted place in between. I am going to walk my path and it is mine alone.
Death…all those deaths…so much death…. made me question. Why do we love the way we do, who we do? Why do I allow people to walk all over me at times? Why all my silence?Wait. Hold the phone. Sometimes I allow people the space and time….to see if they will. How will they respond? Yes. It’s all a damn test. Of my ability to endure and theirs.
I am leaving familiar grounds, this I am aware of. Another giant flying fuck you is about to be sent out in all directions. Of course, I am deeply aware of the idea that there is no “them”, there is no real “other”. I am being shown parts of myself I no longer care for or recognize. Perhaps have even outgrown. And instead of conducting a silent remembrance of the dead ceremony, I am opting to burn down the entire galaxy instead. Leaving no living relative behind, pet or plant. Yes. As that’s my way.
Perhaps the truth is simpler. We need the opposition. We require differences of opinions and worldviews. People who rub us up the wrong way and point out the paths others travel with ease. “You should be doing this instead…” Or “Look at what that person did. ” Wait…this one is my personal favorite. “This is why musicians dont make money…” shared by someone who has never created anything of beauty in their damn life. My father taught me only one lesson of great importance. Spend time with people who share your values. Those who want to see you succeed, who do not always assume that where they found you is where you will remain.
Different paths. Different views. Alternative ways. This is what the world always offers in abundance. And my response is the same in turn. Fuck. All. Of. You. My Golden Path is mine alone to walk. Thank you for the well meaning advice, the snacks offered along the way, the ice cold water bottles….but nah bruvs….I’ve got this. And perhaps….just maybe…you were never meant to walk at my side.