I am one of those people your Mother warned you about. Yeah, the one who can be very stubborn and to top it off I am a Scorpio! See, Scorpios are incredibly loyal and we somehow believe that everyone can be redeemed. Most of the time to our detriment! We will continue to see the good in others until there’s blood on the walls, preferably our own.
Here’s the hard truth and we can forget the star signs altogether. We outgrow people. For whatever reason people find us or we find them and in that process of finding we discovered and uncover many things about ourselves. People are mirrors after all. Yet it is a hard thing knowing one has to let go of another.
As someone who finds it very hard to do that very thing I tend to give myself time until I feel the sharp edge of what looks like indifference. Not a lack of care or love, as that always remains, but the stark realisation that there is no more emotional resonance between the other and myself. Wait, there could be if I cut off bits of my being and bent myself out of shape.
We outgrow people and that can be painful. I recall being asked one question when I considered getting divorced. ‘If you imagine your life in the future can you see that person at your side?’ As I thought about being on stage, in studio, the process of making music and sharing the joy I feel…the answer was a solid no. I couldn’t see my now ex husband being a part of my life. And that was how I decided to end it. I cried, wrote an entire album and made peace with all the love I once felt. And have no regrets.
However, it is never that easy and very often the process of leaving another (where there is a great emotional investment) is never as easy or elegant. I can think of a few people I left behind who are still angry at me….and that’s okay. I know I tried everything in my power before I left. Sometimes one can only do so much.
Look, we are never gonna agree with everyone all the time. But if I can find no middle way or the possibility of being heard is not available – then I know what to do. Yes, some people’s influence remains with us, but..at what cost?
Daddy always spoke of the importance of shared values or goals. In any relationship this is paramount. All the couples I know who are together for years shared the following: mutual respect and shared goals and values. I make sure that those I carry with me have that in common. And I pay attention once the cracks start to show.
I don’t easily cut ties with people and it is always painful, especially if they are friends. But you know what Rumi said….everything comes around again in another form so don’t grieve.
Here’s a secret…I do grieve. But never for too long. That’s not me being cold. I know my value and how much love I am capable of giving. I am not interested in who is right or wrong but in kindness and when that’s gone…so am I.