Today I miss Daddy. I woke up with this missing feeling that sparked everything else and left me sad in places. Having Tumi around helps. Mostly because he is so cheerful and plays great music.
Be the source, I remind myself. I am the source of everything I see around me. Bad days will come and go. But I can’t outrun my grief, especially when it knocks so loudly on my door. Instead, I will nurture myself and those around me as best I can.
Everyday, Tumi and I do something nice. A small walk, a hike or we make something good to eat. I told him to marry Kess, have babies so I can be a godmother – again! Eish, I am godmother to a few future babies coming into this world already. I have grace on my side, I remind myself.
This is what 2020 has been about. Reminding myself of things that matter. And keeping them as close to me as possible. I have my friend with me, a performance and a birthday to look forward to. And a home filled with family during the festive season. I invited my daughter’s Tim around to join us. I hope he does, such a lovely kid he is.
It’s not about finding meaning in anything or anyone, but creating it instead. And gracefully accepting whatever shows up. Did I mention how much I love my Mother? More since Daddy has passed. I can hear her right now…speaking to her plants. She is so lovely. My heart just explodes whenever I look at her.
This is how I ride out bad days. By reminding myself of all the wonderful things and people right in front of me. Or sleeping it off and crying for a small while. But only for a small while. There’s still my life that needs living after all!
Be good to yourself and others – wherever you are. X