I do wonder if anyone who reads my blog posts feels they have a clearer idea of who I am. I write every day and often on issues rather personal. My little blog, my confessional if you like..
Question, would you know, for example, how to predict my next move based on all the crap I write if you met me? I watch way too many conspiracy shows man. It has my head in a bind…or not.
I like to think I have a clearer idea of who I am by writing. It short circuits so many every day issues, like the need to call someone up and ask for advice. By the time I talk to anyone I have a clear idea of what I have to do and who to speak to. My ex husband shocked me many years ago by saying he only knew how I felt when he read my blogs and listened to my music. I talk a lot to people I really like. In person, and they can’t ship me up when I start.
I wrote the last blog post (called You’re So Vain) as I have many people in my life I give that kind of advice to. Let me be clear, it’s a great reminder also. Don’t allow yourself to get fucked over Auriol. Suss them mofos out first yeah? Give them hell or just listen and don’t say anything meaningful that can be tied to any crime scene.
Then there’s the music, all that new music, that’s stuck in two places. I have small and big dreams around music. Those I keep to myself. I would prefer whoever hears and sees me is surprised instead. Sure I share bits of new music and lyrics. Yet…hearing that being sung in person is far removed from the digital format.
I get seriously upset when my friends want to surprise their lovers and have lame ass ideas…like cooking. I mean, if I had to cook a meal it would include all the possible ways you could die as well, written on small notes hidden in between the dishes. Or ways in which every day items on the table could be used as instruments of death!
Music is….serious. Yet at the same time not. Gods, I have written music for so many men. Even as I despised their asses! Has music been written for me? Yes. We’re they good? They were rather charming. Has a man ever done something outrageously kind or generous for me alone? Yes, and that’s why I still own all of his gifts. New male energy in my life? Yes. Does it matter more than the love of my musical life? No.
What’s next? More music. Friends, travel, books and food. And sleep…proper sleep. Less ranting. Less caring about social media bullshit and my low numbers I don’t care about because I am busy with real things. A cause…I need a cause that will consume all my time and allow me to write and compose music. I am still searching.
Finally….the one thing I really must have is… A Tardis that’s actually a bookcase. Bigger on the inside baby. For all my books and small notebooks I keep filling up!