Category: My Blog

My Father never understood why we are so attached to our phones. Often he would look at me, shake his head as he pointed at the small screen in my hand.   I was always documenting my scattered thoughts, to find perspective and, if I am lucky enough, transform those crazy thoughts into Music. Whether it was on my phone or a notebook.

I mention this as I was  collating bits of writing into one document. While processing and editing it occured to me I could pinpoint each sentence,  who they were tied to and the exact phrases that eventually became Music. For the last eight years or so!

Do you want to know when I stopped writing for more than one day? At Afrika Burn. Gods I was so scared of loosing my way I felt compelled to write. Of course I ended up lost regardless.  Later at Summercamp after my father died. My notebooks were a means to an end, a self defense mechanism at times – a convenient wall. Enabling me to be the perpetual observer, the songwriter who never suffers writer’s block. And should be left in peace. There is an up and downside to everything – even writing in my notebooks! Being able to share my thoughts has kept me sane. I mentioned this in one of my podcasts….but there is a darker side that I only recently became aware of…

I mentioned meeting many new people, yes? Yet, even that experience has reduced to one question as the chit chats  and meet ups progress: what are you reflecting back to me?  The question matters as I am not lonely or greedy to get laid. Neither am I looking for love. Expanding my circle yes, and so discernment matters. Daddy, you will be glad to know I no longer need a notebook as I have internalized and refined the process over the last few years. My walls are firmly in place. Dammit.

Do you know what I really need? I need to laugh! And sing… perhaps embark on a mad adventure of sorts! Or maybe silence is needed. Or so much noise I can barely think! No. I need to jump out of my head and into my heart, as cheesy as that sounds. Allow myself to feel more and not constantly analyse as though I am a therapist or worse still…a scientist watching some weird experiment – wondering if I can predict the next move or puzzle out what’s around the corner…

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *