When I travel there are a few standard items in my possession. A Dune book, my tarot cards, many notebooks and my favorite earrings. I left my tarot deck at home for the first time in a long while. Of course, there’s a juicy story attached…
I came across an old notebook and in it was scribbled some predictions from a psychic a few years ago. I had a choice between two men, one younger. I remember her words, ‘Take the leap! He is your leap of faith!’
The future…is a place of shifting sands and shadows. Some decisions play out in different realms altogether, parallel universes if you like. There are spaces, those with even a slightly open third eye can peer into. They offer guidance to us from there (my theory). I no longer take these glimpses into other places or times, whether delivered by others or seen in my dreams, as seriously as I once have. Except for my Ben Harper dreams of course. Does it help minimize the risk, the knowing offered? Does it offer comfort? Hell yes! At times it really does! Does it help all the time? Hell no.
Being a musician in this country is a great risk. I mean, every bit of it is sketchy. You hear an idea for a melody or a lyric in your head. There is no guarantee it is any good. And at times one endures a fair bit of ridicule from family while messing on a piano playing badly. Still, onwards we go. Certain of something so very uncertain moving with fluidity out of one’s body. And that’s when the music is still at home with and in us. Once it’s out, so many other people and things are involved…leading to more and more uncertainty. Business people attempting to make calculated risks with your music, your image, your identity.
Do you want to know why I ditched the guy the psychic said I should take a risk on? I only knew how to leap and risk for Music. As I placed a higher value on personal freedom than intimacy of any kind. This is why I ditched or ran from any man or woman who attempted to control or contain. Personal freedom, more than Love is what drives the Music and my life for as long as I could remember.
And now? Now that I know I am free regardless of where I find myself or with whom? There’s more faith, trust. Greater belief….that wherever I am is where I am needed. Loved. Whether I sing or not.
It feels gentler and I feel more at peace than I ever have before. Oh, I panic very well and could earn an award for how well I hide the anxiety at times. Still, I no longer feel as though I am fighting against anyone. In order to hold on to something others wish to take away.
I am free.
I don’t need my tarot cards. Whatever is meant to happen will. This I know now.