Category: My Blog

I came across this bit of writing I sent to my sister after my divorce. I was hella angry back then and it shows in the writing. And this is a reminder of how far I have come.

This…I call progress.

Anyhoo, here it is…


Gone! Gone! Sold!

Here! Take it! These thighs, that hand, those brown lips sucking the marrow from your bones, the flesh off your cock, the blood from inside your rusting wound .. because this is all there is.

This fast paced Hell-of-Nothingness that forks into smaller tributaries, narrower, dimmer, unending. Where the devil smirks dice in hand waiting, waiting, laughing, laughing. So run, run and run until you are out of breath down another road, path, another dead end while he shadow jumps you like the boogieman he knows he is.

There, there now. It’s not all bad. Shout for help if you must. Dial a friend, call 911, 111 or whatever number you still remember. But before you do get too excited take a look around. Poor Mary…still searching for her kid she left in her car. {Mindless Cunt}. And precious Jacob’s pounding his bloody head against a wall. {Kiddie Fiddler}. String him up! Make him bleed! Cut the fucker down and dice, dice,dice until there’s nothing left of him. Shooo now. Drink the water, take the pill, slowly and breathe. It takes practice being here babe. It’s best you close your eyes. Inhale – one, two, three, four. Exhale – five, six, seven and eight. Like a dick you’re deepthroating for the first time.

Didn’t you get the notice when you arrived? Here the junkies are gods. And it’s all so goddamn lovely. No one gives a fuck about being good or nice or kind or true. There’s no need to switch on the lights or check the the needles neither, because this is where you are…

Look at it..the needle sliding into bone as the liquid past crevices into places no one gives a shit about. Did it hit you yet? The vainglorious rush, the all-i-know-is-my-pain pounding, pounding? Knocking, knocking.

But instead you run and run some more. Run down another corner, but the fog, the damn fog…. Slow down goddammit! Don’t you see the lights ahead and what’s that …music? Just a little further now. Turn right, open the door and make sure you get into that room. Light your fuckin cigar, force Jack down your throat, dust yourself off. It’s show time.

And I see you. I see you watching me. I will let you take my skin while I stand outside of myself watching.

Take off your clothes…slowly. Let me stare for a while, run my fingers along the inside of your thighs, my tongue slowly snaking away at you as you get hard, harder, harder. Yes, that will do.

Here the junkies are the gods remember? Take me any way you want me… but let me needle the past into my bones first. I like it that hard, that fast. Pull my hair, grab my throat! Tight, tighter, tighter yes…Fuck me ’til I am no longer there.

Do you hear it? I need you to hear it…The sound of a dice being rolled, the crackle of defeat.

Because this is where I am. And…This. Hell. Is all there is.  


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