Being away from home for almost three months was what I needed. Did I achieve all my goals, personally and professionally? Well….yes. Allow me to explain.
Very often we only know if we have grown when freshly minted ideas or ways of being are tested. This requires being thrown way outside of any comfort zone. Being placed in unfamiliar environments or with people we do not know.
Let’s start with music. The small performances staged were great, good for the soul. The new music went down well and I reconnected with old band members. The aim was simple: ensuring they know how much I value them, as people first and then as musicians. I got the most amazing advice wrt my next album from a producer who has been around. That, by itself is exciting. Also, I have a bit of time to work on my side projects while home. While planning another performance in June.
On the personal side? My intention was to remain as grounded while opening my heart just a tad. To that end…everything worked out perfectly. I went on many dates and met amazing men. I have been gifted with so many new notebooks (always a bonus). Yet. I moved in the direction of what I need. Not what I was use to or comfortable with. And that was the point.
We all have things that we can’t let go of. Perhaps a piece of our past or even a person. I realised that I was using hurt and not love as an anchor, to keep everyone at arm’s length. With my staff in the ground I declared, like Gandalf, ‘You shall not pass!’ To what end eh?
I had a day filled with so many lows yesterday! I even listened to the one song that makes me ball my eyes out ( Waiting on an Angel by Ben Harper)! Luckily I was talked into some kind of balance by friends. I ended up falling asleep and being energized by the sun. It helped. Then I packed, jumped on to a bus and now am home.
I do feel more whole. More at peace. Ready to write new music and meet different kinds of people, who I can call tribe. I always find what I need. Honestly, I am never short of friends, love, lust or anything. I just….punish myself at times…by denying or rejecting what is needed most. Those days are over.
Thank you Cape Town, you have been so good to me! I intend spreading that good energy wherever I go!
Moments of weakness are a given. The point is to not get lost in them. To not drown, to own up to being human and keep making choices that feed my soul. Even if, for that second I feel like a complete fool!
Not everyone is out to get me. Or treat me badly. There are some good people around. The point is not to forget that I am one of them. As are you…okay? Never forget that bit. X