Category: My BlogTag:

How to make sense of a senseless world? The first time I gave that question any amount of thought was when my daughter was born….and when the desire for music was at its fiercest. And then the fear set in…..fear about every damn thing you can imagine!

There are those of the opinion that we live in an upside down world.  Where thoughts of the body and ego are inculcated into us at birth, the lie of separation. So we watch our skin and bones, scared of dying.  Take the pill, exercise like lunatics, get that surgery. We keep tabs on how much money we spend, the fear of not having or being enough is rife as fuck. We chase lovers or cling to the idea of lovers in the past, fearful that there simply isnt enough. We listen to the news, in the belief that we need to be informed. Informed of what eh? There, they say, is the enemy, the person, nation bent on your destruction. Arm yourself. Or let us arm you and send your kids off to die. More and more things, events to scare the living daylights out of us!

Man, it is tiring! When the war in the Ukrain erupted I asked myself harder questions. Where and in what areas of my life am I at war? What ideas and beliefs am I fighting for or against? What individuals in my immediate present or past have I not made peace with? All the sages expressed  the same belief – peace starts with you. We are osmotic beings after all…. the good stuff spreads. We all have become deeply aware that the real virus killing us slowly is fear itself.

I do not watch the news. I try my best to not feed the ecstatic death cult of a world we live in. Do I get it right all the time? Fuck no! Just the other day I binge watched an excellent tv series called Archive 81! Or I read a series of crime novels or drank too much tequila.  Hey, Rome wasnt built in a day okay?  But at least I am deeply aware that at times…I lower my own frequency…and hand my ego little bits of sweeties to nibble on.

However, I do feel more at peace than I ever have before. I shared a while ago that I met someone rather special but decided to not pursue it. Not out of fear, but greater care. Perhaps the truth is simpler still. He reflected a truth to me I integrated after my father’s passing. I am enough. As is.  So I  am very certain someone special will enter my life…..and I will choose to remain.

The same relates to Music. It no longer forms my central core. It is a wonderful offshoot of who I am… and it makes me happy. So I sing!  During the residency Alexsis called me a Songbird and said, “You are like those birds who listens so carefully and integrates the sound of everything in their environment to create love songs that cannot be heard anywhere else…” She also gave me the nickname Masala Queen…for spicey reasons I shall not divulge! Haha!  But surely, I silently thought… isnt that what we all are? Love birds, soaring…taking in and discarding bits and bobs surrounding… while we call love towards us?

I no longer morning my father’s passing. The first few months were hella hard. It doesnt matter whether one believes in an after life or not. The fact that we die is such a delicious call to action… to live and love fearlessly! To not be as reactive when our mind tells us a horror story about some event that occured or will occur. And in that story we are always guilty. Of having done something or having failed to do so. Whenever I get scared or fearful…I stop to ask myself…Auriol, girl, what mad bullshit are you believing now eh? Does the koolaid have so much tequila in it that you are just gonna dance until your feet bleed?

I don’t know any of the answers, but I discovered what works for me. And that’s enough for now. I am sure I will get it wrong and pick myself up again. Best bit? I die when get it right! Hahaha. Everything between this immediate now and my final death now just exploration…more life…more music.

Now to pack for Afrika Burn on Sunday. Another mad adventure awaits! Boom!