I feel like a nomad drifting in between the lives of so many people. There is never a shortage of people asking that I visit when in town. Gatherings, small and intimate. Great food and even better company, music and whiskey. It is a blessing, especially this last year.
It occured to me last night that I have been drifting above the ground of late. Hovering if you will. Hell, I have been doing so for the longest time. I have not ground myself in any single person or thing beside Music. My closest people do complain at my lack of…an explanation. And I do not take well to being forced to comply either. That’s when the ‘you dont love or care for me enough’ accusations get thrown my way. And the truth is…they were all right. I didnt. I chose me instead of the tyranny some call love.
Now, it isn’t all bad of course. My perception on everything is tempered and balanced because well…I am not that emotionally invested. So I tend to see things differently. Also, it helps that I do not take matters as seriously anymore. My father dying solidified my view.
Be here. Alarmingly alive. Enjoy every second. Show as much love and kindness. But ultimately, this is just a shadow play. An illusion. A test. A paradise or hell, depending on where you stand. Glide with ease girl. This reality is fleeting. Remember you are connected to the sky, the gods above and below….
My daughter does not appreciate my attitude at all. Especially when I mentioned that ‘If I die this second I would regret nothing, as I left nothing unsaid or undone’. Mostly, she is worried I will die alone making music somewhere far away. Also, she does not appreciate my very calm nature. My Mark wonders if this is a signal of me giving up. I wonder about that myself some days. But never for too long. Even pain can ground one to the earth for longer than needed. I have seen it so many times. People walking around like dead things, their broken hearts never stop bleeding. I have known enough blood.
Besides, people will always act in a manner that serves them best. It is not my job to judge or offer an opinion on any of it. That is their business alone. As is how I choose to live mine. Every emotion serves a purpose and is given time enough Stay, but only until I uncover the reason for your visit. Then please do leave through tue very open door.
Glide. Breathe. Ease. Hover. Observe. Make music. Share kindness, love, space and never take this being alive stuff so seriously. Everything for a reason. I do not need to know all the answers in this very second, do I? But I can enjoy where I am and with whom as best I am able to.
See yourself, your everything and everyone for what it is instead: A Gift. My world isn’t perfect….but it feels good most of the time. Even if I am not rooted to anyone or anything beside Music. Even if I feel like a nomad baking in the sun most days.