I was gonna start this blog post with the lines, ‘Dear Ben …I keep making the same mistakes…’ and then thought no. Granted, we all have one person in our head we speak to. Or one person we think of when upset, tired or slightly sozzed….
I am becoming sloppy on all fronts. I have not written anything new this year yet! Or finished a song off the new album perfectly. Or found a Muse to inspire me. No, a Muse does not need to be a man. It can be anything….the world itself if you will. Ennui has set in and it’s time to make a dash for it somewhere, to lose myself in something bigger and inspiring before I start making bad decisions.
Sound familiar? Again, this reminds me of the need I have for a musical tribe. Now if I was not tribe-less….I would wake up with this feeling, explain it to my fellow person and we would make some desert music aka queens of the stone age kinda stuff while bacon is being fried and the smell of the sun thick on our skins. We’d make the kind of music where we’d be tripping without tripping Jah feel? Only lightness and peace and flow of my emotions and all the stuff stuck in my head.
I am tired of it just being me stuck alone in my head, to be honest. When I write music there are at least a few people I am arguing with, in various accents about Melody lines and lyrics. When I was in love he was always there, a sounding board when I bought books or did something cool. There’s too much space, time and not enough community in my life.
Time to shake shit up. My Mother just discovered Saul Williams and has suggested I get hold of him. As though he lives next door and I can offer him some of my lemon meringue pie while asking for musical advice. There would be no point me even explaining any of this to my Mother, as she would look at me with those eyes of hers, all dark and filled with firey intent, and say, ‘My girl, where’s your faith?’ And today I don’t have time to even picture those eyes in my mind…
What’s the point of this blog post again? Ah yes, Ben, I keep making the same mistakes. The silliest one being the very real fact that I get excited everytime I hear that name plastered on someone else’s face. But I digress. I need a pen, book, food (for the hours of work that require nutrients), smokes and water for the serious ass kicking I intend to do with not only this day but my life.
Perhaps, I can even squeeze in a conversation with myself and a few others while I write music today. Let’s see how it goes as I am so tired of making bad decisions. But all is not lost dammit! Not yet. It’s only 11am….and I have much to do. Hehe!