It’s still my favorite thing to do – waking up knowing my daughter is near. Close enough. One day there will be grandbabies (in a few years she says) and I can feel my heart exploding at the mere thought. In an hour or so my mind will be littered to the brim with Music as I go on stage…but right now…my kid is the most amazing creative thought in my being.
Did I ever think….as I regaled her with stories about aliens and ghosts, as I read to her, danced to tango music, conjured up dirty jokes left in places she could discover, sketched out moral dilemmas which she had to solve as a four year old (gay rights, abuse of every kind)….that this is who she would become? No. She is better than I could have imagined. For the record – I loved every second of being her Mother. All of it. And still do.
She managed what only love can do: she set my creative mind/heart ….ablaze. I never intentionally chose to only have one kid. In fact, I always wanted more. Yet, the fear of that all consuming love stopped me dead in my tracks. I like to joke and say,” You are the love of my life…after Music” but that was the biggest lie I ever told. All the people I have ever loved….are Music. But how to find the words, the harmony for an emotion that could loose myself in?
Love, she showed me, requires patience. Endurance and a great dollop of bravery. Sometimes remaining silent….and just within reach is enough. Somehow we have to trust (the universe, god, the big O.G, the supreme Pimp) that those we love will realise in time…we are not going anywhere. In fact, we never left. Perhaps they lost sight of us or we of each other….and even that’s okay. But we carry them with us. Each little bit of love expressed reminds us of our infinite nature. That’s why poems are written, monuments erected….and why I will keep making Music and singing. Always. Only. For those I love.