I see so many people who have not been able to leave their traumatic past behind. They slog it around like a dead body that has flies and maggots feasting in the hot sun. And they have forgotten the smell, how tired their arms and body becomes…
Biggest bullshit lies I told myself? Take the time you need to heal. First, no one heals in isolation and I isolated myself…for years. In fact I never stopped. I allowed special visits instead. Now I advise all my friends to get out there, stop thinking so much and just go! Like Gilda told me many times, ‘My girl, what’s the worse that can happen? They might say no and that’s it!’
I do not enjoy asking people anything, least how they feel. And rarely ever how they feel about me. Some days, like today, when I feel a bit tender, I wonder about the choices I made. All my love and care poured into music.. and has it really been worth it?
I don’t know when the new album is will be released. Part of me is so tired of releasing music to a people who do not care or understand, who I have to continually educate or twist myself inside out for. That is more soul destroying than the hurt any man could inflict. Sometimes, Music, you make me face the worse parts of myself alone. No one sees me. No one cares. I am alone. And I have to work my way through that note by note. Except now I can’t write music and it sits on my chest poisoning my body. Are these tears for you Daddy or for me and the decisions I keep making, the lies I keep believing?
Is this grief or me losing my mind?