We are all guilty of it. Looking back at our past with either glee or horror. Mostly, we spend a great amount of time disliking ourselves for those times we lacked courage and we hope and pray that we won’t repeat past mistakes…
Blogging everyday helps, trust me! I have diaries going back to my teens. Yes, when I was still madly in love with my Baby Daddy and hell, it’s rather hilarious to be honest. I read them, all those love letters, mentally said thank you for the experience and then burned them all. Why? Because it, and the history I shared with him is over.
Here’s my thinking….and feel free to disagree with me. In my mind, every time I think about the past, I am recreating it. So why the bladdy hell would I want to think about bad shit? And make that past more alive than where I am now? When were I am right now, this very second, is a new moment? A new opportunity to decide on a new path?
Again, thanks to Rona and Daddy passing….it feels like I gifted myself with a brand new slate, a fresh start if you will. Hence, I feel like a new person. One who is free of the past and the judgements I once accepted as being true. My dreams help a great deal also. It connects me to other places, reminds me of things I forget.
If we take a careful look at issues we struggle with and trace it back to its roots, we come to the following deep understanding. Those issues were always present. Yet, life caused us to not look at it. Perhaps because we were not equipped, mentally, emotionally and spiritually, to deal with it. And invariably, issues were compounded to such an extent that we had no choice but to look, to investigate and fix.
This by itself makes sense. Yet, the one thing I forgot to do was this. Neutralise the energy, reach a place of balance and then leave the past in the past. Thereby, clearing space so new experiences can present themselves. Once the emotional charge is gone, when we can look back and feel at ease with what happened without judgement or blame….then, I am free.
And I am free. As I sit in the sun under this lovely tree in our garden, I know it and feel it. I feel no great attachment to anything or anyone. If I look back at an incident or person…there are memories that I chose to keep. Things that make me happy, give me a boost on a good or not so good day. Places that, if I listen carefully, I can find beauty and music there still. Those are simply wonderful!
The thing is this…as humans, we demand that events and people comply to our needs and the way we view the world. They should act like this, we say! Why the hell are they not behaving like a rational and reasonable human being, we ask ourselves?
Firstly, just what the hell is rational and reasonable? Who decides it? Every person acts a certain way because of their box of beliefs. It is not my job or yours for that matter to insist they take a look at it. Everyone decides in their own time…
Why not simply accept what is, what was and who we were in that moment and be grateful for what we learnt about ourselves? All experiences are neutral by themselves. It’s the meaning we ascribe to them that causes us pain or joy.
So why not….choose differently? Minute by minute, second by second? I will give a small example. I do not engage with Leo men. Instead of thinking about all the negative experiences and projecting my issues on that individual, I simply took a deep breathe, said thanks for the reminder and moved into another direction. One that works for me. No drama, no fuss. And guess what? The energy and that person….faded out of my life.
I can’t wait for whatever shows up next. I am ready for a new adventure, for more music, great books, interesting friends, a new musical tribe and someone who makes me laugh so much I can’t stop kissing them! Boom!
Life is precious, as are all people we run into. They are ….us, from another perspective after all. So breathe, listen to a good song to start your day and make every second and experience as meaningful or meaningless as you choose.
It’s all up to you in the end. All of it…After all, it’s your life, mind, your heart and no one gets to decide what is real, relevant and true beside you.