‘When I am with you, everything is prayer…’ Rumi
I have gotten into greats heaps of trouble and had so much fun over the years. All as a result of this simple fact: I am a heart centered creature. The mind, what mind? Where is it eh? Logic….has not been prominent in my life or career. And everyone knows, I am not the most practical person on the block.
Many a times, I sat with friends and strategized my next ‘logical’ move. Hell, sometimes I even knew where to go, the approach I should take in order to reach my goals. Only to have it detailed in the most magnificent manner. All I can do, I discovered is listen carefully to what my black heart whispers in the middle of the night or when I write music.
Do you want to know how I managed to leave behind an almost 20 year relationship? Not by denying the love I felt, or running from it. I woke up, my heart aching with the loss and said… it’s okay. Breathe. It’s okay, breathe, let go and feel the love. Even if it hurts…
We all know people who ignore their heart and focus on logic. It’s so easy to say…that is the wrong way to do things, stop being so stubborn blah, blah, blah. If we accepted without judgement, world Peace would be a reality, as everyone has their own path. But bladdy hell, it is so hard to do as many want control. And often following the heart based approach feels like weakness.
My daughter once told me, ‘It’s never about you Mother, but about them. Stop getting it confused, and thinking their choices reflect how they feel about you.’ And that’s when I made the decision to listen to the dictates of my own heart first instead of catching the echoes of others….and turning that into music.
There are many people I think of with great love and respect – who are no longer in my life. When listening to my heart I discovered that what I need to feel, give and receive in turn is kindness. The kind of kindness that welcomes fragility, vulnerability and even fear.
When I sing and am in perfect sync with my band….it feels like prayer. However, my ambitions have increased a million fold in the last few months. It is my desire….that everything in my life becomes prayer and is made sacred. The food I attempt to make and sometimes burn, the love letter given to me littered with bad spelling, the freezing cold, bad whiskey, boring conversations about golf…transmuting all those into prayer is my goal.
I know what you are thinking. What utter crap is this lady on about? Not everything is great and lovely. Meaning is sometimes hard to find. And abject fear terrifying to face. All of this is true of course….and your problem. Not mine. As your path and mine might not be the same.
Meditation, composing music and writing allows me the freedom to be clear about where my love goes. I want people to walk away from me feeling good. As this is what I want to experience as often as possible. My heart must not be scared to gallop full steam ahead.
When I am alone I whisper to my black heart and say….sweetie, darling, we are okay….healthier than we have been in a long while. Let’s take in as much of this life as we can, make music and fall asleep under a tree whose branches arch, with a book while the sun crushes us with its light.
Whoever wants to join us…will.