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My close friend and I sat around the fire and spoke. ‘Do you think it’s true, the saying that one has to love the other more for a relationship to work?’ she asked.  I paused and said that relationships go through phases. Nothing is really equal. All I have to do is look at my parent’s marriage.

Those guys use to drive me up a poll! At one stage I shouted at my Mother and said, ‘Just leave the man!’ when I was a teenager. But she knew something I did not. Or her faith revealed it to her. The wheel turns. Things shift and what really matters is not that romantic love stays as is. It has to mature with time, and we be wise enough to trust that it will.

Another acquaintance is dating a Scorpio friend and asked advice. First, I said …expect to be tested. Your loyalty, above all else must be intact. Gaining the love or any Scorpio is tricky as we love harder than most, and so we test the other in order to know if they are worthy of all the love we will place in their hands. And as intense as we can be, we have no qualms dropping you abruptly. Or perhaps that’s just me. The Scorpio talk aside …what matters in any relationship is kindness and respect.

Romantic love will fade as we become accustomed to the other. It’s the friendship that counts. My test for any man, and this determines how much trust and love I will offer can be seen, clearly….when the first serious argument hits. Just how I am treated in that instance when reason flies out of the window tells me everything I need to know about the person I love. Or how I behaved when the shit hits the fan.

Kindness matters. Everything follows from that. That’s what I enjoyed about seeing my friends dancing in the club, away from their babies, last night. They were as dedicated to each other at home as they were while the bad music pumped and drove away all the worries they carried in their bones. I was so happy just watching them dance and be present with each other.

And so few of us are present for the other. We either live past one another, mistaking comfort for love or walk around broken, aching for something that’s missing. Hence the realisation that no one can bring silence into my life but me made me laugh on that dancefloor. I would rather be kind than right. Rather observe the other’s behavior towards me, the lack of care than point it out. And I won’t fight to keep anyone in my life. The door is always open as far as I am concerned.

We all go through cycles and we might never know why we love the way we do. Do I believe in The One? No. I believe in great connection and  kindness above all else. And when I can no longer afford that to another….that’s when I leave. I am wise enough to know when love will bind me or give me space to breathe. This applies to relationships of every kind.

We have to be on the same frequency. Or know when to turn the dial back and forth when there’s too much static and bad music playing. That’s the true test as far as love is concerned ….because when we get it right….there is nothing quite like looking at the face of someone you love with nothing short of…awe.