Here’s the real reason Scorpios drive their friends and family crazy! We investigate ourselves and others obsessively! ‘Can you just stop it already…’ is a common refrain. Why man? Don’t you want to understand yourself and the world around you better eh?
It comes down to the following for me: the core belief or idea that drives behavior. Mine.
I can hear my ex husband saying, ‘Well, you have the luxury of time and have less to worry about…’ This use to make me feel guilty. Sometimes I am convinced he resents me still. I hope that is not the case. Yet, if it is….damn, that’s his issue. Not mine. I spend time on things that matter. The state of my heart and mind is at the top of that list. Whether I am alone or with another.
This place I find myself in most days, this state of being, is one I worked hard to reach. I asked a friend to check my energy, what’s stuck there and what needs filtering. ‘You are clear…’Yes, bladdy hell, I am. No one is stuck anywhere they shouldn’t be. Aside from bad days which I ride and write out, everything feels right.
Acceptance is the key. I am not fighting anything or anyone for space or time. I am rather self contained. Like Kevin, who passed, told me at Afrika Burn – I am the party. The only thing that matters is the energy I have and bring to the lives of people I care for. No one is gonna fuck with my Flow…
Even my Father’s death found its rightful place. Most days I am deeply grateful for his life, being part of it, his death and what I gained through it. A clearer understanding of what it means to love. To Love myself first and without excuses. And how to love others with Grace and gentleness. That is the gift he left me with.
During those few hard months I learnt how to separate myself from the issues others endure. I care of course I do. Yet, I won’t make the troubles of others mine. Not to the point where I can’t sleep. Also, I trust those I love and care for enough…to allow the solutions to find them. Even if they don’t or can’t see it yet.
Everyday is a gift, a reason to be excited. Yesterday a friend came to visit and we laughed about a 6 hour drive we endured with the smell of cat shit! We spoke about music, projects we are busy with, love and quantum physics, ‘I looked at my one notebook where you explained String Theory to me…’ It’s all rather wonderful, days like these. It makes one grateful for everything!
So yeah…I look forward to…. enjoying my next birthday in another country, with people I really dig. Next year I would love to see my favorite musician on stage and work with him. I am claiming it. As to how that happens….that’s the really exciting part isn’t it? And if that doesn’t happen, a musician equal or better to blow my mind wide open, thank you very much!
See what I just did there? I gave the universe permission to surprise the hell out of me! Being it on already!
The new album, Love Child, will be out soon. Logically, if 2020 didnt happen, I would have insisted on many things. More of this, less of that. The process would have been…full of fuckery. Perfection and all of that. No, the music was made at a time when I needed a friend and a reason to smile. Also, whenever I listen to the music I see my Mother’s face singing with as she makes food in the kitchen. So it will be released as is. I am not precious about these things. Seven tracks all in all.
Yeah. I am content and happy….and excited…about everything and everyone in my life. Whatever comes next is what comes next.