It feels as though space is being created around me. Considering that in three days time Daddy would be dead for about a month, that is a bit of a relief. And today was a good day.
When my head feels too noisy I visit Gilda. We played dress up today. She tried on all her different outfits and I provided advice and fun commentary on the side. Then she gifted me with a beautiful silk skirt that Doug, her husband, gave her as a birthday present. It was a very, very wonderful gift and gesture, deeply meaningful. I will either wear that elegant skirt when I sing or when on a date with someone I really, really, really like.
My daughter and I had a great conversation also. Danica writes extremely well. She asked me for some help with a poem as I ‘write very well when sad’. I was gonna ask her how she knew this but opted not to. My daughter, aside from studying to be a doctor, is also an aspiring astrologer. So our conversations tend to go on in every direction.
I mention this because in the last two days I received so many reminders of my past. Certain faces popping up on my social media feeds, a mention of others that left me feeling guilty. And then I stopped dead to stare at the TV screen….There he was. A double of him. Same build, same hairstyle and startling eyes. What, dearest universe, do you want me to take notice of and to what end eh? Danica had the answer, astrologically speaking of course.
And the skies have been as noisy as my head of late. So many eclipses and planets in retrograde last month. The effects of those still have an impact. On Thursday I am singing for my two friends in India. Friends who can’t get a plane ride home, who are so homesick. Look, I need to sing also and have mostly jazz standards on my little setlist. That reminds me…in September I will stage an online concert for TLC Alzheimer’s Homes as it is World Alzheimer’s Awareness Month.
Yeah, I feel some sort of normality setting back in, lockdown or no. Along with this strange feeling that something or someone is about to step into my life. It would explain the freeing up sensation I feel in my bones and the snippets of conversation I catch in random places. Someone to balance out my energy, a partner.
Let’s see what or who present themselves. Seriously, if it’s a man…guy has to step up correct. I simply won’t indulge half assed, all over the show men. And if an experience is on its way to me – let it be one worth sinking my teeth and being into. If it involves music…..even better.
In the meantime I walk whenever I feel any kind of tenseness in my bones. I walk to the lagoon, the beach and take a long-winded path to Gilda’s home. It helps knowing I can knock on her door, make coffee for myself and a strange and exotic tea for her and then sit on her bed and just breathe as she asks, ‘So my girl what’s going on?’