I have been having odd dreams lately. The kind that force me to start my day with deliberate intent. And they all revolve around men. I had no choice but to ask myself just what the serious fook is going on here?
I have met extraordinary men over the years. Blah, blah, blah…we talk music, art, books. Yap, Yap, Yap…words are exchanged and perhaps a mystery or two over some whiskey or a great meal. Honestly, I am so over it, the romance of it all. This doesn’t mean I don’t show up, or participate. Far from it. I just won’t allow anyone to swallow me whole.
I do find it ironic, all this male attention when I am so focused on music. My best friend says this is how it happens. When you don’t look you find. No, this is a test, as is every experience. The same question being asked in different guises. Just what will you chose now?
I heard it once being said – know what fire burns brightest inside you. Know where you will be consumed and tend to that fire. With care, love and deliberate intent. Perhaps this is why I was born under the sign of Scorpio. We do not compromise once our hearts are fixed in place.
And I am tired of having to explain or rationalize my musical being. Or made to feel like less because of it. The days of that bullshit is over.
I am sick of pushy people. Those who profess to know what’s best for me and my career, yet have no experience in music. I will listen to someone who is better, more experienced in music and business. That is the energy I am calling into my life.
The only thing those dreams alerted me to was choice.
Forgive me. I have to light a smoke, drink some tea and meditate. Before I write the kind of music where everyone dies and all that’s left is flame, ruin and blood on the walls. This is not the manner I chose to go into my day…