This time of year use to be hard for many years. Now, I am in such a great place in my life. In fact, I am for all intents and purposes rather content and happy dammit!
I like the one saying I overheard about life being a reflection of who you are or are not….
So many of us walk around with the sins of our past anchored to our throats. Our sins, the sins of our parents – the weight of a history we don’t even know the extent of. Facing that darkness at the time of year is very challenging.
All I did many years ago was shut myself off from anyone, close the door and cry. My pain was my own and I won’t burden anyone with it, I promised myself. Yet, the hardest lesson I am still mastering is how to allow people back into my life. To forgive myself and them and to love with greater sincerity….because well, we are all bound to fuck up somewhere along the way. Even if we cross all the t’s and dot all the i’s.
I had to figure out what and where my line in the sand is and then act accordingly to get through, out and by.
At the end it is all about love. It comes down to love. Look, it’s great if you have ‘someone’ at your side. Definitely makes life more interesting….but if you don’t this time around….that’s okay also. But as you listen to the horrid Christmas music, stare at the faces of kids filled to the brim with cheer, or friends getting high on some Santa magic…don’t bury yourself whole, cry and be sad like I did.
Reach out. There are people who will teach you how to love again. No one knows the answers. No one gets it right all the time. Yet the only way we know anything is true for ourselves is by venturing out there. Despite the fear, the pain and the burdens we cling to.
If you would not say harsh words to a kid whose heart is pure….why do that to yourself? Or did you forget that you were once that young? And that somewhere inside the same snotty nosed kid who couldn’t wait to jump into this world…is still there…waiting to be loved, surprised, awed, entertained and enjoys nothing more than giving back all the love shared?
Be kind. Be gentle and start with the face in the mirror first