Our body carries its own wisdom. I had a dream and my body ached inside and outside of the dream. In fact in the dream I was taking pain medication given to me.
The last time I felt this ache was on my return from France. Yeah, I am gonna call it what it was, the trip was traumatic and my body knew I would not own up to it easily. My lower back on the right side ached so badly I couldn’t sleep well. And I knew… you, Auriol, did not feel safe and supported in the decisions regarding your future. That is what France made very clear. No, my body made it clear to me.
My sister and the kids are here and my lower back aches once again. The question I ask myself is – why now? And as I write I became aware of the answer. I constructed all these guidelines after Daddy’s death, what to do, when, why and how. Yet, I feel less supported?
Of course yes. I write before I speak to anyone. In fact I barely speak to anyone and was accused of being antisocial by my family. I listen more than I share. In my head the following response went off gunshot loud. ‘I make sure everyone is fed, not going crazy and I clean. And you want more of my time?’ Now we watch movies together at night. And my lower back aches.
I need space. This place is so beautiful and serene. I need to leave or sing. Or tell my family to give me some breathing room or I will lose my mind.
Or not. I could end up being just fine. Let’s wait and see what else my body has to say. It knows I am listening now..Also my dream alerted me to someone else I should keep a watchful eye on. Not all is as well as it appears…