I am not excited about going home. In fact it fills me with a bit of anxiety. ‘What is there to go home to?’
I never thought I would wake up with that question or have to deal with the consequences of knowing the answer.
Love makes one stupid. No, the distortion of love does. I am not only speaking of romantic love. And the last time I felt stupid was in 2019. I don’t think I have recovered from that bout of stupidity just yet. Of course it’s great for music! Still, I never thought I would have to write music to stop myself from tumbling head first down that rabbit hole.
Now I watch people and myself with a certain about of…detachment. I embody the one quality I despise in others – aloofness. I can see it play out already. All those questions from my parents and friends, eager for some juicy bit of information. ‘India was great yeah…’ is all they will get. I have no desire to answer questions or to let anyone in more than needs be. Yep. Even though I blog everyday, I am a Scorpio to the core. The things that linger in my heart are my business alone.
India gave me clarity of mind, a kick-ass music video and album art for the next project. I know what it is I must do and what doors to open and close. I always remind myself of the last time I fell asleep at the wheel – when I was unhappily married. The music was great but I a complete mess. Yep…Move to what’s next and don’t get stuck. That is what driving with my eyes closed taught me.
Either way, India gave me some answers and it requires drastic change in every aspect of my life. But I have hours to refine my strategy and greet everyone with a smile. Then it’s all systems go!