I give great thought to the things that piss me off. The second I feel that twitch of annoyance, that whiff of ‘are you messing with my inner peace you twit’ energy, I disengage. Very often this act of withdrawal is either viewed as tactic consent, lack of care or weakness. It is neither.
When I don’t engage I am looking beyond the person, the incident or experience. My first mentor once said, ‘You are like a kid that got a toy, but must take it into a dark corner alone to see how it works ..’ I view people the same way. The process of writing blogs or music helps assist the dismantling of beliefs. For example, when I think of my ex husband there is very little ‘him-ness’ left in the equation. I view him as a lesson, an exercise in understanding truth and my ability to love and compromise. My family remembers more about me being married than I do. Ask me about the music I wrote instead…
What am I doing to contribute to the collective fucked up-ness as a result of the things I believe? That is the question I am really asking myself. Am I cruel, unkind, lazy, untrue? So above, so below. As within, so without. Heal yourself first and the world is healed.
Most days my world is rather calm. Then there are other days when the past creeps up to remind where energy should be focused. The levee breaks and things fall apart. Another belief dismantled, another illusion revealed. This might hurt but ultimately it is a gift. This is how I view pain of any kind.
Balance. Breathe. Let go. Sing. Or sit in the sun. Cry and listen to Joshua Tree until there are no more tears left. Then anchor the peace I found by balancing, breathing, singing and letting go.