I have these moments where I just wanna smack everyone a few times! Then maybe drive over them just to ensure they know how displeased I am. That is the real problem with the peace, love and happiness approach. People think they can be the biggest assholes and I am just gonna smile and wave. And perhaps forgive them afterwards.
I don’t want to be calm by the time I am done ranting, even though I know I probably will be. I don’t want to look at people and have them think for one second that I accept their weakness. Understand yes. Accept. Never.
I am so tired of watching others give into fear and then expect me to not only understand but smile afterwards. Or worse still welcome them back. As if an apology could make up for some high grade fuckery.
Of course I will be less upset by the time this blog post is complete. This is why writing works. The sad part is that by the time I done writing a bit of the trust I feel will have been eroded along with it. I can deal with the anger I feel. The disappointment at the weakness or lack of strength I see.
As long as I never embody those fears. As long as I never become them. We have a term in Cape Town for this kinda attitude. It’s called being ‘sterk gevriet’. This I am not. I just learnt it’s best to know how to weild a sword instead of expecting a knight to come to your rescue.
And those women! Those women who pretend to be weak and manipulate their way into men’s beds and hearts. They are the worse! Lower than low they are!
I will not give into fear (thank you Mr Frank Herbert from Dune) or allow anyone else to drag me into their pit of dark hells. Or become a ghost in my own life because of the fear they cannot face.