To a certain extent we are a bit selfish. We tend to view an event or set of circumstances through our own rose colored glasses. My pain, my past, my fears….without giving a thought to the bigger picture or the one who stands on the other side of the street. This applies to relationships of every kind. I won’t bother with terms like soul mates or twin flames. Let me tell you why and this is my take. Soul mates are people who enter your life to teach you hard lessons. Often they break your heart or you theirs. Either way, you are no longer the same after loving or leaving them.
Healing is such a complex issue. Not everyone heals the same way, at the same speed or requires the same set of tools to cope. When people need to share their frustrations, my first bit of advice is…vent. Rant my dude. Get it out of your system, my sister. Cuss and throw things if you must. Get out all those nasty feelings and resentments you have been carrying around for years and be done with it. I write songs where almost everyone dies. And the death is deeply, deeply emotionally satisfying! Only once anger is expressed can I look deeper within.
I get a lot of flack from friends and family as my first reaction is always to check my own motivations first. I told a friend recently, I do not make the same mistakes twice. So I take time and sift through why I was triggered and the source, often rooted in childhood or that first relationship we were exposed to.God, I sound like a therapist. Forgive me, this is coming from a pure place.
I was celibate for two years and that by itself was trippy. I do not encourage it for everyone, but it helped me manage my emotional and sexual energy as I was hurting and shell shocked. I learnt to channel that into music instead. So there are many nasty, mostly blues songs recorded during that time. But for my male and female friends who cannot deal with celibacy, I encourage them to get laid responsibly or get some sex toys. And don’t have sex when under the influence man! I mean seriously, sex is so delicious why be half conscious when indulging eh?
Don’t neglect any part of your being that needs attention. Awareness of one’s needs goes a long way, and repression never helped anyone.
Am I a healthier person, you ask? Not really, if I was I would be dead and my work on this planet done. That’s the official line I am sticking to. However, I have learnt when to detach from people so healing can take place. Or to state my feelings in a calm manner, as I hate being misunderstood.
I am a typical Scorpio in that regard. I withdraw, physically and emotionally. You won’t get a peep out of me. Even if I blog and write music. It simply won’t come close to the intensity of what I feel when I am hurt. Again, more people should be this selfish. Why would I want my past or present fears to bleed on to another eh?
We are all gonna get hurt or hurt another in turn. Guilt doesn’t solve anything. Being mad at your damn self is great if it causes awakening that leads to a better state of being; one that is real and true. Otherwise, you are just wasting your damn time.
Shit happened, know why, cut off or suck out the poison…and then spend as much time as possible nurturing yourself. Forget love or money. Trust me they will come around again. Save your damn self first!
Has my life been better since ? Hellyeah. I have had so much fun and continue to do so, as my mistakes are my own. Yet there are questions that always remain with me. How do I feel when I wake up in the morning? How do I want to make people feel when they are around me ?
The answer remains the same – safe. And when I no longer feel safe around anyone…I leave. Until I worked out why and am back to my happy self!
So if you are feeling all kinds of bad.. it’s okay. It will pass or might take longer to work through. Do what feels good, as often as you can….and let life happen. We all end up where we need to be either way. Whatever you do….don’t waste time calling yourself bad names or judging your past actions. Why man? Don’t do it? Also, a warning…if you ever do that and I am around….expect a few,very lovingly meant…slaps! I am not even joking about that. Don’t waste a single minute doubting your magnificene, even as you are hurting and in pain.
Now imagine what an awesome person you could be if you dealt with your shit? Imagine the kind of life you would have, the music, the dancing, the sex, the whiskey….come on now, don’t make me hunt you down and smack you! These hands are made for writing and singing after all.