One day. I allow myself one day to feel like my world has just imploded and I am the last human left alive. And I can’t swim start a fire without matches or fix an engine.
One day of my door being closed and silence. One day of allowing every terrible thing I feel, all my worse fears to run riot, tear down and burn everything in sight. One day.
This is an improvement, as I would allow this feeling to loot and rob money from pensioners, steal chocolates from pregnant mothers… for at least a week before. I hope to reduce this one day to an hour eventually. Especially when deeply upset.
Why only one day? I wasted so much of my life being afraid.
Things don’t work out the way we want them to. Perhaps it’s just part and parcel of being human. Funny thing though…nothing anyone said made me feel any better. I only gave full disclosure to one person when I thought I was being thrown into the volcano as a sacrifice for the deaf gods. While everyone chanted Jump! Wait, I lie. I told two people and both were at a distance.
Sometimes this worries me more than any bullshit I go through. I am safe behind the walls I constructed myself. As inside I have everything I need and I allow people in only when I sing…. But that is a concern for another time.
My one day is almost over. Time to get back into bed and surface with greater resolve. Ps, watch Reya and The Last Dragon. I dare you to not shed a small tear while watching…