The ingredients for a happy life, I erroneously thought, were as follows: a great career and a good man. I was obsessed with this idea of Love. Yet, lying in bed and realizing that…hold the phone…I am happy while in possession of neither is the fucking epiphany and joke of the year!
2020 made mw realise that being of service is a form of love. Family is as safe as Music. And by being loved my Voice became louder than it ever could be on stage or in the arms of a tall man. Yeah. Mind. Blown.
It reminds me of something I heard once. Okay, I actually did hear this and thought, ‘Bladdy hell, godman I should have known!’ THE PATH ONE TAKES NEVER MATTERS. NEITHER DOES THE DESTINATION. IT’S WHO YOU ARE BEING AS YOU WALK…
This was a revelation as I was obsessed with the path, finding a way and not getting lost. Ask anyone who knows me – I hate getting lost and pay attention to where I am going. Hence, that dream last night about being a high level tracker is hella funny! And perhaps the dream was sent/given to reassure. I have all I need.
Being a musician meant that the path mattered. Strategy mattered. Having a plan to get shit done mattered. And it made me miserable each and everytime things didnt work out. Experiences mattered only to the extent that I was able to squeeze music out of them. The same with men.
And yet…now I know that the path to simply being happy doesn’t matter as much. I never had to do anything but discover the frequency of my personal truths and anchor the peace and comfort I already had in my being.
I am happy and every part of me that matters is healed. I say healed as this is what I discovered being alone in Cape Town. Music is part of my DNA and now I know without any doubt that Love isn’t something I have to struggle to give or search hard to find. It’s who I am. Hell, it’s who we all are.
All the angst I experienced around my career and love is gone. I feel a great deal more free than I ever have. Making music and finding someone to walk beside me while I do is a given. Hell, it’s way to me. This I know now. And its gonna be a great adventure either way! Why? Because I will make it so. Hehe
Have a great day wherever you are. I hope you are happy with wherever you find yourself. I hope you feel loved with or without someone at your side. And if I were standing next to you I’d look you in the eye, light a smoke and remind you of all the ways you and only you matter. Cheesy as fuck….but I know you’d feel better afterwards! So seeing that I am not there with you….why not remind yourself of tha eh? After all, there is no one like you walking this earth…