For as long as I can remember, all I thought of was being a musician. Simply having the ability to open my mouth to sing felt like a dream, a miracle. Something I had to work and earn my way towards. And yes, I was ignored, shafted aside as record labels chose someone ….well, how do I put this nicely eh? Someone white and sexier. I was upset but not surprised. It just made me work a bit harder. In fact, every disappointment on and off stage has that effect.
In order to not lose my mind and have my heart broken into a million pieces, Music became my something special on the side as I dealt with family and friends. Later I had to contend with isolation, loneliness and grief.
I was never interested in fame or even, and more deliciously, notoriety. Still, I had this sense that Music could change my life. And it has. In so many surprising ways. Every truth can be found there. Or illusions, fears and desires. At every turn, I am more honest with myself about…everything. It can be hella annoying I tell you!
Of course I do question myself constantly. What am I doing wrong? Why can’t the music reach more people? Why can’t I just delete my FB music page as it is rather pointless. Measuring one’s worth by the numbers or likes. I ignore social media a great deal. As people are more interested in my life and what I get up to…or who. I need to find a manager, a tribe. Until that day comes….here I am. Doing the best I can and hopefully improving and becoming a better human along with it.
Every day is a gift. Every person has a story to share. Beautiful words trapped somewhere. At the end of the day, people need to be heard. And that’s what I do most of the time – I listen. My Mother was right. I should have become a therapist. I would most certainly have been a lot more financially stable.
Yet. Music is such a gift. It has brought amazing experiences and people into my life. Sheer magic in fact! Things I could not foresee or even plan for. So I will take the bad with the good and roll with wherever it takes me.