Death is a great reset button. Of course, it all depends on where you are reset to. So here’s a small list I compiled, a reminder to myself.
When Daddy Died I learnt:
Family matters. Regardless of how crazy they are. Always do your best to find your way back to people you love. And those who love you. Things happen and life tends to injure if we allow it. But home should be a safe space where those small hurts can be mended. Put small rituals and traditions in place to solidify those bonds.
See things as they are.
All my romantic notions are kept for Music alone. The bright moments are enshrined in song for my safekeeping, a way to remember that people, at their best, are Lighthouses. I am more practical in every other respect, and see people for who they are. Not who I wish they could be, or how I portray them in music. As is.
Be less afraid of making mistakes or soaring. Learning is all that counts.
The last conversation I had with my father was one where he expressed concern about my future in Music. I sheepishly tried telling him that odd and wonderful things happen to me all the time. I will find my way, I said. Although, sometimes I doubt. I am doing my best and aim to improve upon every attempt.
Friendship and Music matters.
In two months time he will be dead for a year. I thought I would crack. And perhaps I did along the way. I was lucky in that I had friends I could speak to. Ben Harper’s new album was the only bit of music I could cry and feel safe with. I never allowed anyone to hold me. This pain, is my own and will be dealt with. The music helped to ease places no friends or family could reach.
Love means nothing without trust.
I have given my heart away so easily in the past. As though love and trust are the same. Love is who we are, but trust, I reckon, should be earned. Allow people to show you who they are. As love is not a focus for me, kindness and being true are what guides my interactions.
Be a bit more selfish.
My Mark would often say, ‘Auriol, you are not Florence Nightingale. Stop collecting broken people!’ My time is spent with those I deeply care for, where the energy exchange is reciprocated. Some of us, as Ester Perel said, have to learn to be better givers while others need to become better takers. Which one are you?
Remain true. As often as possible.
Journaling helps. It settles my rattled nerves when I lose my balance. One could call that….control, yes? However, a little bit of control and a greater amount of self awareness goes a long way.
Give what you ask for, or Be The Source.
So if trust matters, how much of it you are giving others? It truth is your thing, just how truthful are you to those in your life eh?
Don’t be scared …….to leave. Or remain.
I once told a friend, ‘Do you honestly think that no one will ever love you the way they did again?’ After the relationship was faring rather badly for a long time. Walk away or remain, these choices need to be seen through. If you wanna stay with an asshole, know that they will remain one until…old age and sickness descends or a dark night of the soul sneaks up. It is best you make peace with where you are.
I became so aware of how linked we are with the earth when I was in India. If we are at peace with ourselves, know we are loved whether there is someone around or not, better choices will become the only choices we make. This is how we save each other…
And on that note, I am gonna catch another hour of sleep. Have a great day wherever you are. X