I use to be one of those people. The kind who says, ‘Why do I need a special day to remember who I love, a day corporate companies are milking…’ But since Daddy died, I will take any and all chances to show my love and care.
I had an energy reading a few days ago and it was brilliant. The reader picked up that I cleared my past, worked through my Daddy issues and all those men who I left or left me. I am clean and clear. Meaning, I am in a better position to offer love to those in my life. More of myself. Not because I am aiming at sainthood, but….dammit…when people feel good around me it feels like my favorite time of day.
I equate feeling at peace with dusk and desert music. This is why I sneak away for a smoke alone. I need to listen to desert music as I watch every single person I love around me.
With family and friends laughing on the grass, on their stoep, on the dance floor. The sound of kids screeching, my Mother’s soft and beautiful face, her heart gold. Everything about my father, my sister and I singing and dancing badly to her favorite song. My brother walking around with a small boy twinkle in his eyes. My godsons rolling their eyes and calling me ‘the weirdest aunty ever’. And my daughter. The only person who can make me laugh when I am in the blackest of holes. During this last year we spent hours on the phone at a time. Last night we spoke for two and I said, ‘You can always call so I can talk you to sleep…’ Like I use to when she was small.
Love is overwhelming and I never know what to do when it arrives. And love has no manners. It arrives like Music. Unannounced. So I bolt and compose music instead. But, since Daddy died there’s an ease I feel about all kinds of love.
I slow my breathing, close my eyes, peak at the turquoise blue sky between the leaves of the tree I sit under and enjoy the warmth of the sun. Gods, I feel so reassured in that moment. About everything and everyone in my life. As the gold on my skin reminds me that Dusk always arrives. Each day. And that it’s my duty not only as a musician, but a flawed human being to carry Dusk with me everywhere I go.
Happy Valentines day you special human being. I hope someone is throwing you a surprise I LOVE YOU party filled with your favorite things. Or things that make you laugh. And it need not be a lover, or your partner. It can be anyone you care for deeply. Or perhaps you throw one instead. I hope you stare at them with awe, with appreciation…because to each other …you are the sun setting on a perfect day.
Here’s a song I haven’t sung in a long good while…my little gift to you. Happy Valentines Day. You are more loved than you could possibly imagine. Xx