I live in a bubble. Now, one could argue we all live in our individual bubbles of constructed reality. This body, skin and bones are just a chosen avatar this time round. One of so many. That, is also neither here nor there, but a small link leading to the epiphany I had. Stay with me people…
I took a walk down to the beach and was caught unawares by so many old smells and memories. As well as being confronted by new sensations. Do you know what struck me? ‘You, Auriol, cannot have a head that’s constantly stuck in a book, notebook or in music..’
I saw people living their lives, meeting friends and doing things. This bubble I constructed for myself needs expansion. I would like a new group of friends and perhaps….less family around, more distance. My life is not my own. It belongs to my grieving Mother. Why is it that I am so worried about her when she is the strongest person I know? Or am I using that as an excuse?
In order to invite new energy into my life, I need to allow myself to be seen by others. Lawdy lawd, I need to go-to places where my kind of interesting people hang out. I found a bit of my tribe at Afrika Burn. In terms of a musical tribe…Here’s the truth of the matter. I can write music easily with many. I love Tumi, as we work well and fast together. But…he is not the tribe. There are people waiting for me. I feel and know it. Everyone I met so far is preparing me for that eventuality, that tribe of people. Or…I could be losing mind.
Of course, my daughter called demanding to know who ‘that white man you posted a picture with on instagram at 3am was…’ Kids. They are worse than parents! No one. He was no one and will remain no one in my life. That explanation was not sufficient. So she decided to consult her tarot cards. Did I mention how weird kids are?
I have such high walls regarding men in general. I tend to panic rather easily and bolt when I fall for someone, or like them too much. Back into a book my head goes. Behind a piano, on a stage, walking on the beach at godforsaken hours….to not feel. Asking that of a Scorpio is rather insane. We feel everything and everyone so deeply.
Anyhoo, I am in CT and it’s cold and overcast. Back into bed I go. Head in a book until the rest of the family arrives.
I have a bubble to expand. Or a life I would like to invite more people into. Extraordinary people who share frequency. Yes. That.