We armour ourselves. That’s what we do as humans. We assume that if we are not careful…someone, somewhere will hurt us. Damage us in such manner we might never recover. So we clam up, make proclamations about how we will behave, while secretly longing for that one person…
This isn’t the way I chose to walk through this world, I decided. With a heart shut, living through second hand emotions, taking the love I see in others and setting them aflame with Music. No. I was asked over a few beers why I had fallen in love, what was it the other person did. My answer was simple. He saw me, even the bits I tried to hide. And I saw him.
Since Daddy died I chose to see everyone. To really look deep within the person and know them as much as they are willing to allow me. To put away my armour and just be present with whoever I spend time with. I told Gilda that I won’t allow my grief to shadow the love I feel for my Father. My heart isn’t filled with tears and heartache. It really isn’t. Gratitude is at the core of what I feel. And that’s all over my skin and bones.
Funny side note….I have been having issues with keys lately! I lose them, misplace them or use the wrong key for the door I have no intention of locking. Really, really odd. Be careful of the doors you intend to open? Don’t be so eager to close doors behind you and move on? Who knows!
Then…and this is really tricky. For the last three days I have run into the same person four times already. At different places and times. Even on the road while driving yesterday. Fromy perspective, it looked like shock registered on his face upon seeing me in that most unlikely scene. Even I thought it was a tad bit odd. My best friend Mark was of the opinion that this man has been placed on my path for a reason. Hmm….let’s see what transpires next. I will admit to being curious.
Life goes on and…the thing is this. We are not only here to learn lessons and be tested. We are here to receive gifts and experiences also. Yeah man, the good stuff. This earth plane of ours allows us to experience things we never thought possible. Whether it is being in the centre of music, creating something beautiful, reaching a goal or eating something delicious. Loving another, being a parent or having a cause drive our lives. We are not only here to give but also to receive. As my Mother and Gilda taught me – to give is as much a gift as to receive…I am working on the receiving bit.
For now, I am just gonna continue sitting in the sun while I enjoying where I am. While I revel at the life I have and the wonderful people I call home.