Writing music about romantic love never sounds like romantic love. Meaning, it doesn’t really sound….happy. Usually, deep nostalgia, sadness even, if your ears are not discerning. As though I left a small piece of myself with that one person and the music written is the final acceptance that it is so. Yeah, sounds very dramatic eh? There are only four people that affected not only how I write music but how I love another, and one of them is my father who passed.
I discovered that it is possible for me to connect deeply with any human. That’s standard procedure….but….for love to make an appearance….that is indeed special. So I celebrate it with the necessary gravitas and never make light of it. Hence, the music I write will feel like deep longing. And if I penned a song for a love interest that doesn’t feel like that, well, neither the music nor the man lasts.
Love brings all manner of fears to the foreground. The fear of being abandoned, being left behind and in the cold. Daddy dying allowed the realization that I am never alone to become part of my skin. India brought many epiphanies, the one I needed to be reminded of was this – I won’t settle for a love that cannot light up an entire sky. For music or a life that feels anything less than extraordinary. And right now, writing this sentence as I am now…my life feels rather special. And I am writing new music.
The song I am most proud of currently is called Planting Forests in the Sun. In the last verse I sing,
‘Nodoby hears the silent love song of the firefly as it paints light in the sky, like the Sun. So I’ll keep on falling into love’s arms, into the light, so safe from harm. As I was born to plant forests in the sun.’
It was my proclamation of independence. We are all made of love, brought here to know love…and if there is one thing I know to be true it is this: love is the only certainty. For every single person under the sun. But that depends on how you define love and how much light you allow into your being. Seriously, I cant wait to feel that connectivity with another, the ease, the enjoyment of shared silence, the excitment of sharing music, stealing socks and sharing my bit of light with another.
Ultimately, Daddys death taught me that Love is a state of Being. I ask myself constantly, Who am I being in relation to this person, this experience, this set of challenges? Am I being true? Loving myself as much as I profess to love another? If I cannot give anymore of myself without feeling like I am breaking – I leave. No one has the power to break my heart the way I only can. This I know.
Being truthful in music is never easy. Nor does it always sound happy, bright chords on full frontal display with lyrics that fit into your mouth with one spoonful.
But knowing it, singing and sharing that Love in Music….well….that’s a gift by itself. I cant wait to celebrate in music the love I already know. The friends, family, the men here and there who fascinate me. And the one I choose to love. It’s all gonna be a rather grand business, this life of mine I reckon….as it already is.