Category: My Blog

Just what did you learn eh? I want you to give this some serious thought. What did you gain from the last terrible thing that befell you?

From my last relationship I learnt the value of honesty and balance. Being honest with myself above all.  It exploded and imploded gloriously, of course! How could it not eh? Was I willing to fix any of it? No. Do I regret that decision? No. A martyr I am not.

It is so much work constantly seeing to the needs of others. Making sure mofos dont loose their shit. Walking on eggshells. Being nice.  Holding back. Having everything in place.  And KABOOM! POOF! FLAMES AND RUIN! Shit fucks up anyway.  No thank you. No more, that was my hard and fast decision.

Work. Love is work. But an end to horribly shitty experiences  can only be found when one does the work. Luckily my ‘work’ involved family, those we learn the nature of love from. Our partners, lovers…they are only the latest iteration or mirror reflecting childhood wounds. Three years. It has been three years since I actively  opened my being and heart to anyone. This was needed, all that reflection, healing and work within my family.  Add in death, grief, celibacy, a pandemic. Not in all in the same go by the way. I mean, hell, that’s a bit much eh?

No one treats me poorly, the energy is always reciprocated. This comes with ease of late. I have noticed  certain friendships being fazed out slowly… We change and those we love change in turn, that’s the way of it. See…I am done being Florence Nightingale or  worse still Olivia Pope, fixing all the tricky situations men get themselves into.  If I sniff even a bit of something I do not like – I do not engage. I know the pattern and my own triggers.

Frequency. I know who I share frequency with, those who really get me.  That’s lightning bolt stuff my people. And I refuse to be rushed into anything. A meeting. A kiss. The studio. The kitchen. With anyone.

So yeah. I am enjoying the energ  of this new year and those I find myself with.  I am comforted by knowing  the gods never leave us without what we really need. Even during 2020…when at my lowest…I was never alone. And neither are you.

Try not to forget  as you do what must be done. Especially if it is hard. Just dont expect your life to be all shiny and happy in one fell swoop. Change, real change, takes time.

And every day a reminder….this is what I believe to be true. This is how I choose to walk my truth. These are the people I decide every day to love…as best I am able to. But I needed to look after and love myself first. Thats why the wheel turned…

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