Why does it take us so long to know what we really need eh? In my case it took three deeply troubling relationships, a pandemic and my father passing to gain absolute clarity. I know how to conduct myself personally and professionally.
Meditating, spending time in nature, journaling and writing music were the tools I employed to reach this point. Not only that, I am more capable of dealing with difficult circumstances and people. So just what have I decided?
I am no longer dating men. Courting is the key word. We should court each other instead to ascertain whether we are indeed compatible. This process is gentler I reckon. A highly successful career is no longer my main objective. It is one aspect of my life that brings joy. As is being in a healthy, balanced relationship with a man who knows himself and is confident.
If I take a careful look at the kinds of men in my past….they were all loners, had problematic relationships with their mothers or were emotionally unavailable. The question I had to ask myself was this: what was it within myself I wanted to heal….that caused me to seek out such men? What was the void within myself? After all, I was the common denominator in this scenario…
My friends say I am too self confrontational. ‘ Stop trying to find fault with yourself Auriol…’ No, if I do not heal the broken bits within myself, I will keep attracting the same kinds of men, keep encountering the same issues in every sphere of my life. Making the process of creating music a great deal more problematic.
In the last few years…none of those kinds of men have come into my orbit. I kept it clean and classy, thank you very much. Making music has also come with greater ease.
Hence, I am rather excited about what the gods will bring into my life next. As I am no longer giving off the ‘I lack’ frequency. Why should I, when that is no longer who I am eh?
It is all rather exciting. The music, my life, the friends in my life( who are all well adjusted and healthy) all point to a…more….matured human. I am deeply grateful for every bad relationship, every fault commited and the insights gained along the way. And if I mess up, all I need to do is regain my balance and start all over again.
Take care of yourself my people. Everything works out in the end. Every single thing is here to help us evolve and move towards being….well, a better version of the person we once were. Trust