‘I know what it’s like to be around someone and feel at peace…’ I said.
‘If what you are saying is that this won’t work out, take your things and leave.’
Leaving was easy as I packed while he slept. In less than two minutes I was in my car driving. No looking back, no goodbye and no regrets. While this might seem a painful exchange, it was honest. In truth, there was nothing wrong with him. I knew I wasn’t willing to love him and that is no way to treat another human.
I ask myself the following questions when I consider someone new to introduce into my friend circle or life. How does this person make me feel? Is this the kind of person I can see myself hanging with or calling when I am excited or down? Or am I just here because I have nothing better to do and no one I really want to be around is close?Can I share ideas around music and art with them? Do they excite and leave me in awe? Or do I have to walk on eggshells, watch my words, censor my music or self…so that small lies don’t slip when least expected?
And if they disappeared off the face of the earth would I miss them? Would I notice?
Look, I know not everyone leads a wildly exciting life…yet…all the people I call friends/family are rather extraordinary in their own way. They are home. I can breathe around them and enjoy their silence as well as my own. Also, they are all funny and fun loving human beings!
Right now, there is no one in my life I need to avoid. No one who makes me uneasy. And all the energy is equally reciprocated. Fucksake, I am clear and in alignment. That’s the point.
At home things are so good. My family and I are closer than we have always been. I popped out of bed, saw my Mother and declared, ‘You are just one of the best people I know Mummy!’ She was at the table, diary in hand and read what she had just jotted down. ‘Auriol’s help at home has been phenomenal. May her heart’s desires be granted, amen!’ All written in Afrikaans of course. We both laughed and breakfast was made. See what I mean? The energy is reciprocated in the most beautiful of ways.
Next month we mission to CT and I might stage a performance. Yes, it’s time to feel my way back to Music. I do not want to experience more of the same CT fuckery, with its its bullshit around not paying musicians their worth. I am gonna pull new energy towards me. On every front. And new ink as well. It’s time I allow a new tribe of people to find me.
Whatever comes next is bound to be exciting. Do you know why? Because I am one excited person dammit! I know myself a great deal better now, and how love behaves when its true and honest. On every front that matters. Lockdown might still be ongoing but hell, I feel better and more at ease with myself and the world around me.
It’s time to move into what’s next!