I was clearing out my phone and stumbled across all the voice notes, videos and photos sent. I was surprised by how much my girlfriend and I swear at each other. Trust me she is worse as she uses very expressive Afrikaans. This is just a fact. I am not trying to be a goody goody. Although I can deliver a few words or fifty five if I am upset enough.
I also came across a voice from my past and was surprised. I still enjoyed the sound of the eternal boy stuck in his throat. Then I opened a few notebooks ( I am purging) and saw the scribbles I made. Was any of what I said and felt true and real I wondered?
Some people come to us as reminders. Reminders of the things we need and desire most. Others come as questions. Do you really want what you think you desire? And when one has been hurt all that’s left are blindspots. When people enter our lives as questions (and this is my theory), they make you face those blindspots by crashing right into you and causing all the illusions you have to shatter. If you think about it carefully, it is a gift of sorts. If you can survive that is.
Anyhoo, there is no one in my energy I realised. Ben Harper does not count, as he will be making guest appearances in my dreams until I die. Also that man needs to release new material so I can be inspired again. All that’s left of me, that can be found lurking in my balck heart is music. And I am very cool with this.
It has been an amazing year so far and I do look forward to seeing my daughter, my band, my friends and filling vacant spaces with more music.