I don’t understand it. No, that’s a lie. I do understand people’s response to death. My father has been dead for 6 months, this is our first Christmas without him and I still maintain it’s the best thing he could have done. A gift, his dying was a damn gift.
Would I feel the same way if my Mother or daughter passed? Ask me when another death hits. The inevitable l of death does cause me to pause. As how one deals with it could determines how the rest of your days are spent. Yet. Every bad, horrible thing that occurred to or around me had that effect of deepening my link to the Divine.
When I sing I know this to be true with absolute certainty. Then there is nothing but me dialled straight into the GodSource.
I decided as I lay in bed that this time next year I will be in another country or perhaps way before then. I would like to spend my next birthday, Christmas and New Years without family. It’s time to bounce and do my own thing. Have you ever felt like there is somewhere else you need to be? That they are waiting for you to ring the bell and walk in?
I have learnt to manage being present wherever I find myself. And having a hella good time also. Regardless of the company of people, musicians or environment. Every step taking me closer to my Musical Tribe and Special Human. And there were moments when I came so close to something so special….Still, on I move.
My Mother wants to spend her day alone. Perhaps crying. Perhaps missing my father. Her choice. She needs to do whatever keeps her sane amd I will keep empathy top of mind as always. I will bring food afterwards.
Do you know what goes through my mind though? I wanna love people in such a way that being without me, when I die, won’t bring any kind of pain. Not this pain and crying bullshit after decades and what not. I don’t hear from the other side I can’t-live-without-you-and-miss-you-still nonsense! Hell no! Life people! It’s here! Don’t make me feel guilty after I am dead. Damn!
Be happy. Don’t let the expectation of others anchor you making movement impossible. Shock them a bit why don’t you eh? Keep them dancing as you shoot at their feet with your shiny gun, you feel? Or remain grounded, happy being where you are, with whomever you find yourself, those babies, that person, career, the sound of only the sea and their snoring.
Either way, Life requires bravery and love and Music and great sex and wonderful whiskey and amazing food and people you really love instead of tolerate. Sometimes the lack and absence of everything we need and want teaches us a great lesson. Remember, not all lessons are learnt in the light…
So we are enabled to remember what matters. That we matter…that you matter, this life matters. Don’t believe the lies fed. Make up your own mind, heart and live.
And yes, I write to remind myself.