At the end of the day – that’s what it comes down to. Your heart, who and what you find lingering there.
I asked a friend why I find it so hard to navigate this pandemic on certain days. Facing fear, whether it is my own, those of people I love or the collective snakes up and down my spine. So everyday becomes a small exercise is regaining my balance.
Regarding work? I am not able to live stream a concert from home. I could and would for a great cause if the need arises. But I chose to regain my balance in the kitchen, cooking for my family who I have spoilt a bit too much of late.
When it comes to music the floodgates are always open. And I need a musician I trust to be my anchor when I sing. Like Rodney who is sitting 7 hours away from where I am.
I do wonder – what should I be doing now? As soon as I wrote that other questions popped into my head. What should you be doing to what? Get ahead? Make money? Why do you have to do anything but be where you are now?
And where are you really? And what about your heart or have you already forgotten?
I no longer wonder why it is easier to leave certain people behind. I no longer question why others find expression in my dreams or become alarmingly alive when I write music. My heart has this way of showing me where my real and true can be found and how to let go when the time comes.
It’s when I pay attention to my head, to what should work technically or if I had a media strategy….that things get messy. It’s when I listen to others and ignore the alarm in my gut when things go horribly wrong.
Auriol, says my heart, you know what home feels like. So be where you know love. Especially on those days when you feel like burning the world down, when it all becomes a bit too much.
On those days, whispers my heart…..stay in bed, cry if you must and let those black things crawling find their way to others. Those who carry home between the strands of their hair, in their voices, under forgotten pieces of aquamarine… Allow them to remind you – you know love. Every bit of you is love.
And when you are ready to sing Love will gather itself around you and travel on every note you to sing…a small reminder to those who need to hear, those who forgot home, who forgot as once you did.
And that’s enough for now. The rest will happen as and when it must. That’s enough for now…says my heart.