It always astounds me somehow….that I get anything done musically speaking. I know my experience is not that different from many others. I work alone. Call on my band when there’s a performance. Write music alone, for the most part. Call on my band to make it their own. If I have any ideas around music, I share it once I have a less vague idea of what I want to achieve….and then call on people. I don’t have a label, manager or booking agent, so it’s all me all the time. Can I be undiplomatic for a second and tell you the truth? It sucks balls sometimes!
Wait, I am really surprised I also managed to stay married for so damn long! Or with any one man for a period of time! And perhaps that is the issue. It is time to allow the universe, to bring me new people and energies to trust and work with. But being a Scorpio and a female musician who has been fooked over a few times….kinda makes trusting anyone…challenging. However, this is 2020 and time to put aside old, outdated modes of thinking.
It really shocked me…when I took a look at just what’s going on with my youtube channel. Nothing it appears! After everything was moved to one central place and all the views removed, I just stopped caring. Find me, don’t find me. Like my music, don’t like my music. I wondered for a second if this attitude is something I should…you know…try to…work on. I do want to make a better living that I currently do with music. Perhaps this requires being nicer, more open and all. Wait, dammit all, I am nice! I am the kinda nice who picks up calls at 3 am and will come get your ass if you are in trouble. Or who cooks for people (without poisoning them) and sits in church for three hours watching someone I care for make a speech – even though the music is so bad I want to slit my throat right then and there!
Yeah, life is surprising and requires that one looks at what works and what does not. Right now I am staring at my many notebooks filled with lists of things I need to do for the next album, the next project. Lists of names of people I can approach for either funding or just to brainstorm ideas with. Funny thing is – nothing in my life worked out in the proper fashion, or according to a plan. There was always some circuitous path involved. Some road that I end up walking…and Bob’s your uncle…I find myself at an interesting intersection and that’s where the music happens. On the one hand, I love the magic of that path and on the other hand…a bit more certainty would also help in places.
Wait, that reminds me! I had a dream where I spoke to an actress in the musical theater space. She did not appreciate seeing me and expected to be berated about her singing which, I must admit, was average at best. Instead I looked at her and said, ‘ The way you sing and use your body to express yourself is simply wonderful, graceful…” I meant every word I said and saw a big smile creep on to her face. “You will love musical theater Auriol. You should try it…”
However, I do think I should make a concerted effort to…wait, hold the phone people! I have a rule. Okay, I have many rules in my personal life. One of those goes like this: I only ask anyone for help twice. I only state what I need twice and that’s it. If no answer or response is received, it’s time to move on. Therefore, I need to uncover other doors or windows to kick down, smash in or sing to, if you know what I mean. The one thing I know to be true is that there are many ways of reaching your goals. Many paths to mastery, to love, to music, to greater sex or kind of whiskey that glides if you get my point.
Alas, it is too late! The call, my call….has been heard by the universe, by the gods. All the big and small things I have asked for in my career. I speak them into existence all the time – with great excitement also. Now, this is where things become rather riveting, edge of your seat kinda stuff….just who is gonna rock up in my life to surprise me with answers eh? Just where will I magically come across the clues to lead me to the most satisfaction and joy eh?
Only time will reveal and I have more than enough of that. Also, a sharp… tongue…if things get dicey!