We are energetic beings. And it flows between us, this energy we beam out. Some along lines clearly defined. Mother. Father. Child, stretching backwards and towards places we can’t know.
Yet life is so much trickier isn’t it? And none of us travel on safe and even paths. So we call into our lives, knowing or unknowingly, others to shed more light or snuff it out. And we go about our days, our lives oblivious to these….energy leakages. Forever wondering – why and where did it all go wrong?
I heard it being said that when one gets sick look at the energy centre the area afflicted is closest to….and perhaps there lies a clue. Problems breathing? Why take a look at your heart chakra. Headaches? Crown chakra and so it goes on.
I took a look at my body and how freely energy flows, the places in my life where I experience struggle and decided to investigate. Do you know what I found? It’s all tied to my childhood and father.
So I opted to meditate and when doing so was met with my 5 year old self. That kid who thought she was ugly and useless. A mouse of a person in a land inhabited by giants with loud voices and hands that injure.
I recall the exact moment when I decided to…become invisible, so silent no one would know I am there.
And then the gods decided to gift me with a big ass voice so I could no longer hide from myself. What’s a girl to do? No wonder I wrote so many angry songs. All those years of not being seen, heard, ignored. Feeling as though my voice is lost to the void itself. Lies told to me by others that I decided to believe.
When I think of my voice Gold is its color, with streaks of lush, verdant green for those who know me and crimson for those I care for and new born baby pink fading into dazzling white for those I love deeply.
During meditation I spoke to that small girl and whispered, ‘Your face will be seen by so many. Yours is one voice none can ignore even if they tried. And you will have many, many adventures. Don’t worry about these giants. One day they will become smaller and smaller until you can fit them into the palm of your hand…all you have to do is open your mouth. With it you can destroy or heal.’
No wonder I chose the men I did. When one is lead to believe you have no light gravitating towards shadows comes naturally doesn’t it? They were all Shades. Boys masquerading as kings. While I followed like the lost girl I thought I was.
Can you imagine who you could be if someone believed in you so much it gave you the courage to chase any dream? Would you be who you now are? Would the life you live now be enough? Would you make the same choices? What would you leave behind or run towards?
The only thing that matters is what we do once we take ownership of ourselves, our own light. That’s all. The past no longer matters. Only what we move into next….armed with full awareness.