I cannot be trusted anywhere, not even at a gay club. As I inevitably find myself in some corner prizing the darkest secrets out of someone instead of dancing my socks off. I don’t mean to, it just happens. I give my entire focus as only an intense Scorpio can. It always astounds me when people confess the worse of who they are. At times I feel it is my duty to say, ‘Hey, look at how far you have come. All the things you endured to be who you are today…’ or I just give them a good old slap!
I listen, that’s my job. At times the stories I am told are alarming or so incredibly strange I cannot help but pause or laugh first. ‘Auriol, I hope you don’t mind me sharing this….’ and so starts the confession. My response is as standard as it is true. ‘If your child or someone you loved spoke to themselves in this way, what would you do?’
I attract those on the fringes, outsiders, loners; humans who feel completely misunderstood. Again, this feeds into music. As outsiders are more willing to face their shadow self and speak to it than those who are ‘well adjusted ‘. I take those small insights and jot it in my notebook. They will form part of a song or the dominant emotion will be shaded by what was honestly shared. I know those single lines or phrases will resonate with many. We are all so incredibly fragile. I am not interested in ‘normal’ as it bores me. A dash of it here and there does wonders for the soul, but 24/7 normality would kill me creatively.
I discovered a while back that I have Uranus in Venus in my natal birth chart. This explains why l attract the friends I do, the lovers and so many other aspects of my personality. In fact, even though I am a Scorpio, the majority of my planets are in Libra. Relationships of all kind matter. Finding balance and knowing that it shifts must be kept in mind at all times. I looked at my daughter’s natal birth chart again and sighed. All those planets in Aries. The kid was born to be a fighter. Even if she rebels and fights me. It is all part of the game we decided to play as mother and daughter this time around.
I know I am wired for words and sound. Yet more so I need….expansion. With every person I meet, experience, event or song I pen my world is stretched a little bit wider. Explain why and then show me how, is my silent refrain. Being human is hard and one can never know what the right path is. Even if it feels good or not so good at the time. Again, balance. Our bodies are more intelligent than we think. We should all listen more intently as it sends us endless clues.
A while back at a party I was asked if I like myself. ‘Hellyeah, I am juicy as fuck!’ I won’t even try to blame the whiskey. I am content with who I am and the choices I make. Now I try to give others what I received when I was in a pit of despair. Absolute focus and attention, an ear more than willing to listen.
So yeah, I am here. Visit. Call ( just not between 4am and 8am okay, those are my best hours for dreaming unless you are dying of course). I will make some coffee. No, you don’t need to talk about anything you don’t want to. Sit down. Tell me do you need a blanket? Let’s just hang and see what happens. Ah, you have whiskey? Let’s have coffee first. There’s no need to rush after all. I am not going anywhere and neither is that whiskey.