Sleep is a luxury. Dreaming well while enjoying sleep is downright fantastic. Lockdown has not improved my sleeping patterns at all. Generally I fall asleep close to 4:30 am and my mind goes to only one place – Music.
I think about what songs I would like to work on, the ideas to flesh out. And honestly, if I could be anywhere but here… I chose the studio or performing with my band. I wonder if there’s something wrong with the way I am wired.
I suppose it’s because everywhere else is filled with so many sharp edges, limitations, rules to bend or adhere to. And so I tell myself…Auriol-girl, you need to relax and enjoy your life a bit more…instead of always thinking about music. Find a hobby, a man to lavish affection on and perhaps root yourself somewhere else.
But…when it comes to music there is so much to excited by, to imagine, to create, to experience! Did you ever get the sense that there’s something you have to do? Something you need to walk towards and into? I always felt this keenly. More so this year than ever before. And music is involved.
Men make me incredibly anxious. Just the idea of spending time around anyone. All that opening up business and getting to know you crap. What if I do it wrong and end up hurting someone again? When does one ever get to do it (whatever that may be) properly? Even when I am honest and true to myself someone, somewhere isn’t gonna like it. And I haven’t met anyone I care for enough to give any great amount of consideration to. Yeah, the consideration one gets from a Scorpio who loves deeply is vastly different to just liking someone. And on that subject…
Venus is going retrograde very soon. The last time she came around, 8 years ago, I got divorced. Venus doesn’t mess around. She sets things in motion, bringing relationships of every kind into sharper focus. The full moon is also in Scorpio in a few days. I already told some friends….do not get married during this time. Or don’t leave anyone either. As with all things it is best to wait until extreme emotions, of love or hate, equalise and balance is found.
Yet I have none. It’s music and nothing else. Even with my family during lockdown, my mind is always playing music in the background, listening for harmonies, waiting for lyrics or the sounds of words to ensnare me.
I have a finalised version for one of my favorite songs off the new album. By finalised I mean a clearer idea of what it should sound like in studio. Riddle Me Gently is the song that set the tone for the new album. Rodney created a lush and haunting orchestration for it. That song won’t be shared for a while. I am sitting on it.
Life is just odd and surprising. I reckon there’s only one thing to do. See things as they are and not judge what is being seen. Whatever is set to happen will. In the meantime…music it is.