‘Don’t live like you are already dead!’ I told a friend a few days ago. Look, we have all had that friend who shuts down, goes undercover, does stupid shit and loses their minds. Hell, sometimes we were that friend! I know that place, that Babylon called ‘unhappy-ville’ very well. I visit it at least a few days every now and then.
Maybe? What if? Why did I do that? Fuck, I should have known better. Questions upon questions plague us while we check into the best room in our personal Babylon. But here’s how I managed to leave the hotel and take all my bags with me. No, being in love with my Mexican is not the key. Watching someone I love die is. It puts life into perspective. As I watch my father dying; hear his heavy breathing and watch him struggle to remain in his body I wonder if the same questions trouble him. Is he satisfied with his life? Does he have regrets and what can be done?
My shaman gave me two bits of advice. Honor those you love while they are alive and be true to yourself. The latter bit was not as easy as it seems. As being true to yourself means being true to others. We are not separate beings after all. We just suffer under the illusion of it. As being true meant speaking when the words want to remain in my minds. And so I said goodbye to my father in a manner that leaves no doubt – for him or myself. I spoke of the good, the bad and the ugly of our past and how I am proud of the father I now have. And I cried when the reality of his death became very clear
Don’t live like you are already dead! As I watch my father slowly winding down his life it became so very clear that our minds are the real culprit in this scenario. All these godforsaken questions that do not allow for deep sleep cause so many of us to extend our stay in a Babylon of our own making. Our minds are programmed to survive. We are conditioned from our earliest days to…not upset, maintain the status quo, to fit in, to stick to traditions and people in whose arms and beliefs keep us safe…and so we suffer.
Don’t live like you are already dead! Life is cyclical. We face small and big beginnings all the time and when death knocks at the door we pretend we do not know who She is or why she has paid us a visit! I realized that the only way to navigate my way out of Unhappy-Ville is not through my mind but my heart! By feeling and seeking feelings, thoughts, people, experiences that bring me joy, that remind me why I am still alive. I start my day this way. Only when my frequency is tuned for the good stuff do I listen to music and remind my Mexican that his love, like so many other things, is a gift.
Do not live like you are already dead! It’s okay to feel lost, to not know the answers, to check into Babylon for a while. But remember this…our future is not engraved in stone. It is malleable… Formed second by second, minute by minute. With each thought of love you extend to yourself and another you call into being a life that is worth living and dying for. So honor yourself…your environment and those who answer when you call. You are, after all, not dead yet!