I have these moments when I see things clearly, and deep appreciation for everything around me is all I know. The sun, the earth, my family, friends and Music. In those moments it becomes very clear that the only thing that matters is how I show up for people I love or don’t.
Having a daughter woke me up, snapped me out of an insane loop. Only then did I start questioning my reality. Children do that as they flood our system with nothing but love. And it’s the remembrance of that love we need to cling to…A love we came here knowing and have been searching for, outside of ourselves, ever since.
When I loose my balance, and it doesn’t happen as often as it use to before my father passed, I get sucked into viewing and accepting the world as others see it. Feeling adrift, lost and in need of saving. It’s never been a person I turned to. When I was small, books. Later, music. I looked within and for a long while saw only shadows.
My parents? They did their best but my world was locked up so deep within myself. So when I speak to anyone, I always wonder, ‘What is it that you forgot and buried so deep you no longer can see?’ All I do is listen in the hope that we can remind each other. I suppose that’s how Love works doesn’t it?
We find our way to each other. Some play minor roles and others leave you reeling, and not always in the good way. As I grow up a bit more each day, all I can do is decide how to love whoever is in front of me. This is why journaling each day helps. I keep track of myself and the lies I tell myself. I am glad to report I that I am doing a rather good job.
I am deeply grateful to have Music as a tool for release and sharing. There I can face my darkness and dance with it in any way I like. No longer being as afraid as I once was. Wanna tango tonight baby? Nah, a slow and sexy waltz it is then. First, let’s grab a….martini shall we? Eventually both of us get tired and I pack away my dancing shoes, take a deep curtsey, blow a kiss and say my farewells. Balance restored. I can do this with and without Music now. It’s just hella more fun with music amd easier to share with others though.
It is a cathartic process, a healing one. It enables me to face the real dangers in my life. And those dangers stare at me in the morning as I put on my makeup. They ask only one question, ‘What is it you choose to believe about the world and yourself? ‘
The universe or the gods always listen. So I am very careful when delivering my answer. As what I believe is what shows up in my world…