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I asked one of my best friends for a tarot reading and lawdy lawd – it felt like a bad therapy session. The kind where you are reminded of things you know. Blah blah blah Auriol, you don’t trust anyone. Not with your heart or career. Stop isolating yourself blah blah blah.Tell people how you feel. Don’t wait for anyone to do anything for you blah blah blah.

Goddamn where’s the good news eh? Of course I don’t trust anyone! This isn’t news at all. Of course I am not telling anyone shit! Of course the best of me can be found in music. Blah fuckin blah. I was not pleased at all. Not one fuckin bit.

I use music and well chosen words for everything. God it’s tiring. I use words and music and take the blame basically, even if everything isn’t my fault. Yes, darling.  Go ahead now. It’s gonna be okay and of course you will find love or whatever you need. Take your time and don’t be so hard on yourself. You are a wonderful man. Never forget. Regardless of anything and everything that happened.

I say that because I mean it….everyone can be redeemed, a better version of themselves. I have seen it with my own two eyes. So it is not a lie as much as it is a sprinkling of hope. Even if it is said to those who ‘hurt’ me. This is why people die when I write music and why I am the most untrustworthy woman when I sing blues music. Balance. If I didn’t I would smack the shit out of a man and throw his goddamn clothes in the road. I won’t allow anyone to push me that far. Ever. Again. Balance. Besides, I am a lady. A life well lived is the best revenge.

I am almost ready to go home. I need the noise in my head to be silenced. I need the sun and to be with the one person who loves me  – my Mother. Granted she loves skinny white Jesus more but…oh well…I forgive her.

Not even the love of my musical life Ben Harper’s music could make this better. In fact I would end up crying more. I know I am running low on faith. After writing so much music and picking myself apart, I need a break. I need to go home and hear words spoken back to me. Words I offer anyone who steps into my life. Everything’s gonna be okay. Not only your career but your heart also. The music matters and so do you. I need my Mother….to remind me what faith looks like and how to forgive myself. And if I am lucky, she might just need me to be around for her also…

 

 

 

 

 

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